


bulletproof in black like a funeral

by prettyvacan1



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Highschool AU, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, trigger warning, tyler centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:05:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 26,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4407623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyvacan1/pseuds/prettyvacan1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler Joseph is a depressed basketball jock. Josh Dun is the punk kid that eats lunch in the band room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my ass](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+ass).



"I don't know" Tyler whispered as he shut his locker door. 

"Did you say something Tyler?" His friend Alex asked. 

"Oh, no" Tyler replied quietly. He turned from his locker and walked with Alex down the hallway to poetry class. Most students took the class as a blow off but Tyler (unknowing to his friends), took the class because he actually liked writing. 

"Class, pull out your poetry notebooks please" Tyler's teacher asked the class. Tyler reached into his bag and pulled out a black leather book and opened it to one of the last couple of pages. Tyler really liked pouring out his emotions onto the pages. He even wrote when their teacher didn't ask him to. So that is why his book was almost full. 

"Tyler, what'd you write about? I wrote mine about basketball" Alex whispered. Tyler shifted uncomfortably in his seat for a moment. He looked down at the thick paper in front of him. Their teacher asked them to write about something that inspired him, he wrote about death. 

"Me too" He lied. 

He'll find out you're lying, blurry whispered, and then he won't want to be your friend anymore

Tyler shivered and begged for blurry to stop stop stop. But he knew blurry wouldn't, because he never did. He never stopped. 

When Tyler got home late that night, after basketball practice was finished, he collapsed in his bed. He was exhausted but couldn't sleep. Blurry was nagging him.

And he felt numb around the edges, not in a way where he felt nothing, but in a way where he felt nothing but sadness. Tyler sat up in his bed and adjusted to the darkness of the black winter night. All of the sudden a tear slipped from his eye. He hated crying, but he did it so often. 

Tyler eventually convinced himself to get up and shower and eventually coaxed himself to sleep.


	2. anathema

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this seems so brendon centric but i just love him so much and i'm trying to get the point across that he is a wild beebo. anyway, double update because the prologue was short.

"Joshua Dun and Tyler Joseph" The poetry professor said.

Of course, of fucking course Josh got stuck with the popular basketball jock. He couldn't have gotten paired with one of his friends or someone of his popularity level, he got paired with the basketball player who was probably taking the class as a blow off. He would probably have to do all of the work for the project and not only that but he would have be stuck with Tyler for the entire semester. Even right now the kid wasn't paying attention to what the teacher was saying. He was doodling or doing something in his notebook the entire time the teacher was talking and only had picked his head up when he heard his name.

Tyler looked up from the new poetic lines he had lost himself in when he heard his name. He looked around for a second, first at the teacher and then Joshua, and finally the board which read "Final Project"

Joshua Dun... The name barely rang a bell in Tyler's mind. He hung out with Brendon Urie didn't he? That kid was basically famous in the Columbus area. That must mean that Josh is popular too... Tyler's mind wandered until he noticed someone standing above him.

"So I guess we are working on this project together" Josh said, his voice laced with spite.

"Y-yeah, y-you must be Joshua?" Tyler stuttered out. Josh looked intimidating. His hair was shaved into a mohawk that was red in the middle and brown on the shaved sides. He had a nose piercing and gauges. This kid was friends with Brendon?, he seemed more... punk (Is that what you would call that? Tyler wondered) than Brendon.

"You can call me Josh" He replied, his voice had every so slightly become less spiteful and he took a seat in the vacant desk next to Tyler. "Anyway, do you wanna meet up tonight so we can start working on this?"

"That sounds good, where do you wanna meet up?" Tyler asked attempting to pull himself together. He did not like meeting new people. He felt the need to impress them and blurry was constantly in the back of his mind telling him that the person he was meeting didn't like him or they thought he was stupid or too quiet. That's why he stuck to the basketball friends he had. People who practice and play together are bound to be tied together. He was used to being around his teammates and was too scared to branch out and meet knew friends. So he never did.

"Well, we can go to my house but all of my friends will be there. They'll be doing their own thing though so we won't be bothered" Josh offered, completely calm in the situation, unlike Tyler who was internally freaking out.

"Sounds good" Tyler whispered, and the boys exchanged numbers and addresses and eventually the bell rang and they went their separate ways.

Tyler pulled up to Josh's house a half an hour after school. He walked up to the driveway and knocked on the door. He was greeted by a short ginger kid he had never seen before.

"Josh!" The guy yelled into the hallway and within four seconds Josh came bounding up behind him and the kid walked back off into the house somewhere.

"Hey, follow me" Josh led him into the garage, except it wasn't really a garage because it had couches and a TV and gaming consoles in it. Over one of the couches hung a black home-made flag that said 'clique' on it in white. Above the word clique was the outline of a skull with a line running through it. Tyler thought it kind of looked like a key.

In one corner of the room was the guy who opened the door except now he was pinned against the wall and making out with slightly taller guy with black hair. Tyler looked at them for a moment and then quickly diverted his eyes. Two other guys Tyler didn't know were sitting in front of the TV playing grand theft auto. Lastly, on the couch under the flag, was a guy that Tyler vaguely recognized as Ryan Ross. On the other side of the couch was no other than Brendon Urie himself. He was sitting cross legged facing Ryan, clearly ogling him. He didn't really hold up to the reputation he had because right now, he looked pretty fuckin' gay.

"Guys," Josh yelled over the music that was playing off of a record player by the garage door. No one even flinched. "Guys!" Josh yelled even louder, this time more pissed off. They all looked over at him, the guys kissing door-guy lifted the arm off the record player and the room got very quiet, making Tyler nervous. "This is Tyler. Tyler, that's Patrick and Pete, they're really gay, but just ignore them" He said gesturing to the what must've been a couple. "That's Andy and Joe" He motioned a hand to the two guys playing Grand Theft Auto. The nodded and Andy raised a hand and gave a lil' wave. "And lastly, that's Ryan Ross and the guys giving him puppy dog eyes is Brendon, but you've probably hear of him before" Ryan rolled his eyes at the comment and Brendon laughed.

"Sup Ty" Brendon said smoothly, he was high or drunk off something judging from the way he slurred a little. Maybe he did live up to his reputations.

"H-h-hey" Tyler stuttered. He was so nervous. There was so much going on and he didn't expect there to be this many of Josh's friends to be here.

"We have a project to work on so shut the fuck up" Josh said. Pete flipped him off and started laughing as he put the music back on. Josh grabbed Tyler's wrist and dragged him over to the desk in the furthest corner of the garage. "Sorry, they seem like assholes but once you get to know them, they are actually really nice" Josh said.

"It's o-okay, they seem chill" Tyler replied. He pulled his blackbook out of his back pack and began re-reading some of the poems they could possibly use for the project.

Tyler seemed so much more anxious than Josh had originally thought. Josh had expected him to come in here and act like a stuck up dick, but Josh could feel the nervousness seeping out out of Tyler. Josh looked down at him in the chair, he was reading shaky handwriting out of his poetry notebook. Josh thought he looked cute, his perfect eyelashes swept over his cheeks as he looked down at the paper and he had his knees pulled up to his chest. Tyler wasn't anything like Josh had expected.

"So do you have an idea of what you wanna do this project about?" Josh asked him, once again finding himself initiating the conversation between them. Tyler nodded and shoved the notebook into Josh's lap.

"I wrote that, if you like it we can run from there or I can show you something else I guess"

'You will never know what's behind my skull

So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye

You will never know what's under my hair

So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye

You will never know what's under my skin

So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye

You will never know what is in my veins

So won't you say good night, so I can say goodbye

Won't you go to someone else's dreams?

Won't you go to someone else's head?

Haven't you taken enough from me?

Won't you torture someone else's sleep?'

Tyler watched as Josh read and looked at him expectantly. "You wrote this?!" Josh said, his voice showing how surprised he was. Tyler nodded shyly.

Tyler Joseph wasn't anything like Josh had expected at all.


	3. addict with a pen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to clarify TyJo's friend Alex is not Alex Gaskarth. Just wanted to clear up any confusion.

That night, after Tyler had left for basketball practice and the rest of the guys went home, Josh could only think about one thing. The lines Tyler had written. Josh thought they had fit the other teen very well. You will never know what's behind my skull. It really stuck with Josh. He had assumed that Tyler was just the popular jock type that he had dealt with oh-so-many times before. However, in the short few hours Josh had spent with Tyler, he learned that certainly was not the case. Tyler was shy and spaced out and occasionally he whispered to himself. He also wrote very good lines. Josh really did not know what was going on behind Tyler's skull but if there was one thing he did know, it was that he wanted to be known by Tyler. He wanted to learn everything there was to know about Tyler Joseph, and what was going on behind that skull of his. 

_

"And then he hit the shot from half court! It was insane Tyler! You should've been there" Alex said to Tyler. He had been droning on about some basketball game he had gone to (like he always did) for the first 8 minutes of lunch. To be entirely honest, Tyler didn't give a fuck. Yes he was the captain of the basketball team and yes he was the best player in their county but Tyler could care less about talking about basketball or watching basketball. But it was all his friends ever did and therefore it was all he ever did (when he was with friends that is). 

"Sounds sick dude" Tyler said in a bored tone as he leaned further into the palm his head was resting on. He lifted his head up when he noticed Brendon walking towards them. Looking much more sober and straight then the last time Tyler had saw him. 

"Hey Tyler, Josh was wondering if you want to come eat lunch with us in the band room" Brendon asked happily, a smile on his face. "Maybe you could show us some of the stuff you were talking about last night?" Tyler thought back to the night before and remembered vaguely telling the rest of guys how he played piano and uke.

"Uh, y-yeah. That'd be cool" Tyler replied quickly, jumping at the chance to ditch all the sports conversation for a chance to play music. 

"Dope, I'm gonna grab some food, but Josh is probably waiting in the band room for you" Then Brendon turned his heel and hopped over to the inside of the cafe, gone as soon as he had came. 

"Is that cool with you guys?" Tyler asked, he didn't want his friends to get mad for ditching him. He really did not like confrontation. 

"Of fucking course, if Brendon Urie gives you an invitation to anything you take it" Alex exclaimed and the rest of their friends shook their heads in agreement. So Tyler stood up and walked over to where he thought the band room was. He wasn't all that shocked that his friends were looking at it from a popularity perspective. 

Josh looked up from where he was sitting at the drum kit to see Tyler walking through the door. He smiled to himself before giving a small wave. Tyler smiled and sat down at the bench of the piano. 

Then Brendon burst into the room again sort of breaking the awkward silence. "Play something Ty!" He exclaimed before sitting down next to Ryan in one of the band chairs. 

"Yeah, sing us a song, you're the piano man" Ryan said, quoting Billy Joel. 

"O-okay" Tyler said, nervousness taking over him. He had never played in front of anyone before. He looked over to Josh and he nodded and gave Tyler and encouraging smile. Tyler suddenly felt a little more confident and put his hands down on the keys. They began to play, gliding over each piece of ivory on the old piano as he closed his eyes and began to sing.

"Hello, we haven't talked in quite some time  
I know I haven't been the best of sons  
Hello, I've been traveling in the deserts of my mind  
And I haven't found a drop of life  
I haven't found a drop of you  
I haven't found a drop, I haven't found a drop  
I haven't found a drop of water  
Water

"I tried desperately to run through the sand as I  
Hold the water in the palm of my hand  
Cause it's all that I have and it's all that I need and  
The waves of the water mean nothing to me  
But I tried my best and all that I can to  
Hold tightly onto what's left in my hand  
But no matter how, how tightly I will strain  
The sand will slow me down and the water will drain

 

"I'm just being dramatic  
In fact  
I'm only at it again  
As an addict with a pen  
Who's addicted to the wind  
As it blows me back and forth  
Mindless, spineless, and pretend  
Of course I'll be here again  
See you tomorrow  
But it's the end of today  
End of my ways  
As a walking denial  
My trial was filed  
As a crazy suicidal head case  
But you specialize in dying  
You hear me screaming "Father"  
And I'm lying here just crying  
So wash me with your water"

Tyler finished off the song with the final chorus. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around the room.

"Holy crap! You wrote that?" Pete said from the back of the room.

"Yeah" Tyler said and smiled sheepishly. 

"I didn't know you could sing like that" Patrick said warmly. He smiled at Tyler and Tyler felt a little better. Not as jittery as he originally was when he finished the song.

Brendon and Ryan clapped and Brendon shook his head over dramatically for comedic affect. Josh smiled too and clapped along with the two of them. 

"I did not know you could rap TyJo" Josh said, Tyler laughed at the nickname. Josh was actually shocked by how great it was. Tyler Joseph has not stopped amazing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY THIS SUCKS. I just wanted to update. :|
> 
> |-/


	4. sad tyjo and ryro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE FIRST HALF. Stay safe friends. You can continue reading a the dash in the middle.
> 
> Just to let you know I have nothing against Sarah and Jenna, I love them both. I just did this for the purpose of the story.

Tyler sighed as he rested is head against the shower wall behind him. His legs were carelessly slung over the bathtub and his body was bent in an uncomfortable manor. The tile was cold against his head, even through his hair. He looked at the blade in his hand. It was a brand new one, still wrapped in the paper thin card board it came in. He had gotten it from his Dad's shed, knowing he wouldn't miss it from the box of 100 box-cutting razors that it came from. 

He pulled it out of the cardboard and looked at it. The metal was a shiny silver and it looked so sharp. He very carefully put it back into the paper slip it came out of but he still cut the paper a bit because it was so sharp. 

He smirked at this and pulled it out of the packaging yet again. Tyler found it interesting that it was that sharp and he knew how easily it would slice through the skin on his thigh when the time came. 

He picked up his journal next to him. It was hard-covered and wrapped in thick black leather, identical to his black book for poetry class. He pushed the blade into the paper, it easily cut through the page and the ones beneath it. Tyler picked up the charcoal pencil he used to write in the journal and circled the cut in the paper. Then proceeded to write a small note on the page about it so when he came back to it weeks later he would remember why he even did it.

He thought back to why he had even stolen it from his Dad's shed in the first place. He had gotten into a bad fight with his parents and was feeling like shit afterwards. He had written furiously into the pages of the journal, the charcoal smeared and jagged across the page, forming messy capital letters down the paper. The he stood up and held the razor he used for shaving. He usually used this to cut when he was feeling like this. However he was feeling bold. He wanted to take it up a notch. He wanted to make thin, neat lines this time, rather than the thick, messy ones the shaving razor made. 

Tears slid down his cheeks. He breathed in and out again. They kept falling, eventually dampening the pages of the journal on his lap. He hated feeling like this. Like a weight was sitting on his chest holding him down and his head was buzzing with depressing thoughts. His mind shouting things at him.

Blurry loved it when he felt like this. Blurry was the one doing the shouting. Blurry was the source of the depressing thoughts. 

Do it. Put the blade to your skin, unless your too scared. Are you to big of a pussy to do this Tyler? That's what everyone thinks at least. That your weak and worthless. You can't even hurt yourself Tyler. Do it. Blurry was relentless. 

Tyler cried harder and pulled up his basketball shorts. He stared at the skin of his leg. 

Do it. Do it. Do it. Drag the blade across your skin.

And Tyler really did want to do it at this point. He loved it when his blood spilled and the stinging pain it left in his thigh. He liked thinking that this is what people wanted him to do. This is what his parents wanted. They were disappointed in him and their words hurt and Tyler wanted to hurt physically too. Not just emotionally. 

He put the blade to his skin, just below his hip bone and pushed it down. He thought about the fight with his parents, his friends at school, his girlfriend, Jenna. He hated the way his life was at the moment. He was stuck in a group of friends he didn't like, stuck with a girlfriend he wasn't even interested in, he was only dating her because it made sense (he was the basketball captain and she was cheerleading captain). 

He dragged the blade to the right and winced in pain. He picked it up and did it again, creating another thin line blow the former. He inhaled sharply at the pain, but he wasn't gonna lie he liked it. He felt he deserved it. 

He did it a few more times before carelessly tossing it next to him in the bathtub. He watched the blood bead up and slowly drip down the inside of his leg. 

He eventually stood up and got out the band aids and things he used to clean out his cuts. He was so familiar with this. He spent far too many nights like this. Locked away in the bathroom attached to his bedroom after a fight with his parents. Sometimes after a rough day at school and basketball practice and more often than not, after Blurry was nagging him all day.

When Tyler's leg was wrapped neatly in bandages he crawled into bed and fell into a dreamless sleep. 

__  
They all sat quietly in the band room eating their lunches. Tyler was sitting next to Josh on the piano bench. Tyler looked at Ryan across the room by himself. He was sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up into his chest, he looked pretty unhappy.

"Where is Brendon?" Tyler asked no one in particular. Ryan scoffed and shook his head but didn't answer his question. He looked over at Josh, hoping he hadn't asked the wrong question. He still didn't feel super comfortable around Josh and his friends. He had hung out with them a few more times while Josh and him worked on the project and also sat with them during lunch occasionally. However, He was still scared of saying the wrong thing. 

"What?" Josh said when he looked over at Tyler. "Oh, twice a week Brendon sits with his girlfriend Sarah at lunch" 

"T-then why is Ryan seem so mad?" Tyler asked hesitantly. 

"Because he's jealous of Brendon and Sarah. Brendon is in love with Ryan but doesn't want anyone to know so he's dating Sarah to cover up that he's bisexual. Even though Ryan doesn't show it, he's in love with Brendon" Josh explained in between bits of his sandwich. "It's confusing, I just feel bad for Ryan" 

"Oh" was all Tyler could think to say. He felt bad for Ryan too but also Brendon because he knows what it's like to get caught up with the popular kids. 

The bell rang and they all got up to leave. "See you at my place tonight to work on our project?" Josh asked before he turned to leave.

"Yeah, see you then" Tyler said, his mood suddenly dampened by Ryan and Brendon's story. It reminded him far too much of himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR reaDING I LOVE YOU GUYS YOUR SO COOL WN YOU MOTIVATE ME TO ACTUALLY RIGHT. I love you for real


	5. parties and lil chats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOL sorry this is literally all filler. I know Tyler and Ryan aren't friends irl but I think this works with the story and I kind of would love if they were friends in real life. Joshler will happen, I PROMISE. This is just slow burning and I have some really good ideas for other things besides the two of them gettin together. Thanks for reading and pretty please vote and comment :)

Tyler was sitting on the couch at some local kid's house. In his lap was a wasted Jenna who was going on about something to her friend sitting next to her. 

Josh and his friends were actually here too. Somewhere in the house he was probably kissing some girl against a wall. Pete and Patrick were probably sitting on opposite ends of the couch in the basement wishing they could act on why they were most likely thinking about doing to each other. Brendon and Ryan, well he can see Brendon and Ryan. Brendon was sitting on the other couch across the living room from them, Sarah was straddling his lap and kissing his neck. Both of them were wasted, Ryan and the others probably were too. On the other side of the couch Ryan had his chin rested on his palm and he pretended to be interested in whoever he was texting but Tyler could see that he was looking over at Brendon and rolling his eyes then looking back at his phone, he repeated the process every now and then. Tyler felt a price of his heart break as he watched Ryan but his thoughts were interrupted by Jenna placing a sloppy kiss against his mouth. Tyler pulled away and Jenna groaned. 

"Take me home Tyler, please I need you" Jenna whined into Tyler's neck. He could smell the vodka on her breath drifting to his nose. 

"Jenna I'll take you home but we're not doing that" Tyler said as she kissed his neck. He faked a moan to keep up the act of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. 

"Please Tyler" Jenna whispered and she flipped herself over so she was straddling him. She grinned her hips down into his.  Winning a moan from Tyler because of the contact. Then she went back to kissing him and he was reminded all over again about the reality of the vodka on her tongue and the thoughts in his mind.

"No Jenna, not when you're drunk, let's go home" He said firmly and pushed her off of his lap. He stood up and picked her up bridal style. He pushed past the crowds of drunk teenagers that littered the hallway and the grass in the front yard. If there was one thing he hated, it was being around a ton of drunk kids. Why did he go to the parties then? He asked himself the same question all the time. He decided it was yet another formality in his life. Just like dating Jenna, playing basketball, and hanging out with the Jocks. Of course he wouldn't mind drinking or maybe even smoking with his new 'friends' but he definitely didn't want to do it around 100 other people. 

He opened the door to his car and put Jenna down gently inside. He walked around to the other side and got in. Jenna was already asleep by the time they pulled out of the neighborhood, she had crashed fast. Tyler dropped her off at her front door and pecked her lips goodbye. 

Monday morning rolled around quickly and Tyler was sitting in his first period class. His muscles ached from his session in the weight room with his team this morning and he wanted nothing more than to sleep. He read the bell work assignment on the board and it said he had to find a partner to discuss last nights homework with. He looked around the room and made eye contact with Ryan across the room, he did a hand motion and Ryan nodded, stood up and walked over to the desk next to him.  He sat down next to Tyler, and smiled weakly.

"How you doin' fren" Tyler asked, he felt oddly comfortable around Ryan. Even though he had been hanging out with the 'clique' for a month or so. He felt connected to him in some way. 

"Okay, I guess" He replied quietly.

"What's wrong?"  Tyler asked hesitantly, wondering if it was okay for him to even ask.

"Nothing" Ryan lied straight through his teeth.  Tyler could tell something was wrong just by looking at him. His hair was all messy, his eyeliner was a little crooked and smudged. Almost as if it was what he had worn the day before and he had just gotten up and come to school.

"Ryan, I can tell something is wrong. I know we aren't best friends or anything but I am here if you wanna talk" Tyler said, and he meant every word of it. He's always needed someone to talk to but has never had anyone. He would never want someone else to be in the same position. 

"Ugh" Ryan groaned loudly and put his head down on his desk. "It's just" he turned his head so his face was facing Tyler, his cheek was pressed against the desk. He looked into Tyler's eyes and Tyler tried to give him a reassuring look. Ryan looked down again at the linoleum floor. "I spent the night at Brendon's last night, and we you know..." He trailed off, Tyler just nodded his head, he didn't want to know the details. "Afterwards we got into a big fight about Sarah and all that shit. It just sucks so fucking much. He doesn't even like her Tyler but he won't break up with her. I kind of feel used. Like he's just using me. And I feel bad for Sarah, she's so nice and her boyfriend is fucking cheating on her with his best friend. I kind of wanna bang my head on the fucking desk, I'm so frustrated with everything" By now Ryan's eyes were a little teary now and he sat up and wiped them. Tyler leaned over and rubbed his back. "And we're still fighting. I fell asleep on his couch and woke up late. I came straight here, Brendon had already left. He didn't even wake me up or anything like that to tell me I'd be late" That explained why Ryan looked so disheveled. Tyler jus continued to rub his back while Ryan rambled. Tyler looked around, thankfully no one was listening or looking at them.

"Thanks" Ryan whispered after a few moments of silence.

"For what?" 

"Listening. I know I can tell any of the guys but I don't know I haven't and it felt good to get it out" He replied, he looked around the classroom and looked pleased that none of the other students had heard their conversation.

"Oh my God, dude. It's no problem. You can always talk to me" Tyler said sincerely.

"Okay class back to your seats" the teacher announced to the class. 

"Oops, we didn't even do the assignment" Ryan said, he seemed less down now. Tyler smiled and looked over to the teacher, feeling better than he had before.


	6. shit hits the fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE THIS DOESNT SUCK I WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT PLS VOTE

They were all sitting at lunch when it happened. And unfortunately, today they were actually sitting at a real lunch table because they couldn't eat in the band room. So Tyler was sitting next to Josh, who as laughing maybe too hard at Tyler's jokes. Patrick was sitting next to Brendon and Pete was across the table from them. Andy and Joe were going on about some new song they heard on the radio to Brendon, Pete, and Patrick. The only one who was missing was Ryan. No one really questioned where he was. Talking about 'It' would make all of their moods worse. 'It' had been the longest time they have gone, at least that's what Patrick told Tyler. And 'It' had everyone on edge. Brendon was like the corner stone of the friend group. Even though Patrick and Pete were the seniors of the group, it was all based around Brendon. He, (and this was at least Patrick's idea of the story, Patrick had told him all about it one day in the garage when Tyler had come over to hang out) was the one who started hanging out with Patrick and Pete first. Brendon even helped Patrick save Pete one time (he had overdosed on Atavan). So they were all best friends and then they found Ryan, then Joe and Andy, and then Josh. So when Brendon was in a fight with someone else in the group, it threw off the whole way the group worked. No one wanted to pick sides (even though everyone was lowkey on Ryan's side) and no one wanted to get involved. They didn't even call it a fight they just said 'It'. 'It' is way too sensitive of a topic to talk about. Today was Friday, 'It' has been going on for a week, and they hadn't been to Josh's at all all week. (Tyler and Josh even moved their meetings to Tyler's house.) Every time they were at lunch it was awkward for all of them if both Ryan and Brendon were there. They hadn't spoken in a week, hadn't touched in a week, hadn't even looked at each other in a week. Which was bad according to Pete. Pete said they always made up within a day and everything went back to normal. In short, 'It' was very very bad. 

So they were all sitting there, enjoying themselves for the first time this week. When the other 'It' happened. Ryan walked up to the table and sat down. All seven boys shut up immediately, smiles fading quickly as they pretended to eat their food. 

Patrick was the first to break the silence. "Hey, Ryan" He said, as cheerful as possible. Ryan flashed a fake smile. "Where ya' been?"

"Yeah, where ya been Ryro?" Brendon said faking a sweet tone. Oh shit. Tyler thought. 

Ryan looked up from his backpack at Brendon. "What?" Ryan asked, his voice laced with poison. "Where the fuck have I been? You know Bren, it's shocking you give a shit. Where were you all the times I needed you? Oh that's right, with your god damn girlfriend" Ryan said loudly, finally snapping from all of the fighting and Brendon's bitchiness was what had done him in. 

Brendon opened his mouth to respond. Ryan stood up and slung his backpack around his shoulder and looked down at him. "Fuck you, Brendon" Ryan spat, loud enough for the surrounding tables to stop what they were doing and look over as Ryan stomped out of the lunch room, tears dripping from his eyes. 

They all sat there and looked at each other and Josh opened his mouth to say something. But Brendon muttered "You know what, fuck this" and he stood up and stormed out just as fast as Ryan had.

"Oh" Joe whispered. They sat in silence a little longer and Josh finally spoke up. "Maybe we could go to my house tonight? My parents are gone for the weekend and we need to take the edge off..." Josh trailed off and all of the guys nodded. Then the bell rang and they all got up. 

Josh was sitting in his basement. They all were, well excluding Ryan (he was still pissed), and they were all sitting together on the couches near the TV. Pete, Patrick, and Joe were having a slurred conversation about their demo that they were working on and Brendon and Tyler were talking on the other couch. Josh was just sitting alone on one couch, enjoying the peace and quiet. 

Josh was watching Brendon an Tyler talk. He wasn't gonna lie, he looked beautiful. His eyelashes spread perfectly as he looked up at Brendon. He couldn't hear what Brendon had said over the music but Tyler was giggling at what he was saying, flashing his perfectly crooked smile. Josh had been trying so hard to fight off thoughts like these but he was wasted and right now he was just blaming them on the alcohol.

Tyler looked up at Brendon, they were both very intoxicated. Tyler didn't drink usually, but hey, the week had been awful and he was with friends. 

"You're really pretty, you know that Tyler?" Brendon slurred, Tyler just giggled. "No really, like you're just pretty, like in a boy way" 

"Yeah?" Was all Tyler could say. He never received compliments and even though he had drank past the point of no return, he was really appreciating it. He hadn't put a label on his sexuality and he had thoughts about all genders. Right now, he was really feeling something for Brendon. 

"Come 'ere" Brendon whispered. Tyler looked around, everyone was caught up in what they were doing so he did what Brendon said. 

 

Brendon grabbed him by the waist and pulled Tyler into his shoulder. He rested his head on Brendon's shoulder and sighed. Tyler looked up at him and watched as he leaned in toward him. Tyler had to admit, his plump pink lips looked very kisable. Brendon leaned down and caught Tyler's lips. Tyler's eyes got wide for a split second but he melted into the kiss anyway. 

"Hey guys, I came to- What the fuck Brendon!" Ryan shouted. All of the other boys had noticed him walk into the garage, Tyler and Brendon hadn't. 

"Ryan, I can explain" Brendon started but he got cut off by Ryan shouting. 

"Jesus fuck Brendon! I don't want to fucking hear it anymore! I come over to apologize to you when I wasn't even the one who did anything wrong and you go and find someone to replace me? And What the hell Tyler? I trusted you" He was crying now, all of them could see that Ryan's heart had literally broken. Ryan turned on his heal and walked out of the garage. Brendon got up and ran after him. 

Josh sat on the couch, confused but he also felt his chest swell with an odd form of jealousy of Brendon and Tyler. He hung his head low and stared at his lap, suddenly sobered up. 

Tyler pulled his knees up to his chest and whispered "What the frick is wrong with me"

"Let's go upstairs" Josh whispered, his hand on Tyler's shoulder. Tyler nodded and Josh held out a hand. He was sure to avoid eye contact with the other guys as he stood up and took Josh's hand followed him upstairs. When they entered Josh's room he finally let go and and sat down his bed. 

"Dude, I messed up so bad. It happened so fast and now Ryan is going to hate me, and the other guys are going to think I'm a jerk, and" Josh just wrapped his arms around Tyler.

"Shh. Just go to sleep" They laid down on the bed and Tyler curled up in Josh's chest. A few tears fell from his eyes and he tried not to shake, a panic attack was overtaking him. 

"Ty, it's going to be okay. Just breathe" Josh whispered right into Tyler's ear as he stroked his back. 

Eventually Tyler's breath evened out and he stopped shaking. Josh sighed in relief when he realized he had fallen asleep. He pulled Tyler closer and rested his chin on Tyler's head. He eventually drifted off to sleep too.


	7. rekt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was gonna be one really long chapter but then I was like nah, so I'll post the rest tomorrow when I finish it. (They will be at Josh's) anyway, pls  
> Keep commenting and voting it makes me so happy :)

Today Tyler was sitting at his usual lunch table, with Alex and the jocks. He had been avoiding the clique all morning, not that it was hard, they were probably avoiding him too. 

Tyler had left early on Saturday morning from Josh's house. His head pounding and heart aching. Not because he knew things weren't going to 'work' with Brendon but because he had let down Ryan and hurt all of his new friends. He had also cheated on Jenna and even though he didn't like her, he felt awful being unfaithful like that. So he had unwrapped himself from Josh's comforting arms at around seven am and hauled his ass to his basketball scrimmage, where he played like shit and let down his team. 

Ryan had shot him dirty looks all throughout first period and every time he did it Tyler's heart broke a little. Brendon was avoiding him and Patrick just giving him sympathetic smiles and just kept telling him it'd be okay. Josh gave him sheepish smiles in the hallway but never did much more than that. He hadn't really seen the others. 

"It's been a while, Tyler" Alex said, while looking down at his lunch. 

"Yep" Tyler said, popping the p.  Alex wasn't wrong, he hasn't hung out with Alex or sat with his basketball friends since a month and a half ago. Sure he went to their parties and saw them at practice but that was it. He felt a little bad but if he were being honest, they were nothing but bad influences on him. They also didn't help him with anything or share any interests beside basketball so what was the point? 

"Too busy hanging out with your fag, emo friends?" Jamie, his other teammate, spat at him. Tyler looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" He said viciously. 

"I said, you must be too busy hanging out with those faggots to hang out with us" Jamie said, this time his voice was laced with even more anger. 

"Don't give me that crap, Jamie. First of all you guys were the ones who said I should even go sit with them because you're obsessed with Brendo and his popularity. Second of all, how dare you call them that. You guys don't know anything about any of them" Tyler said, pushing himself up from the table.

"Yeah well, turns out Brendon is cheating on Sarah with Ryan. So what does that say about the rest of them? Are you a fag now too, Tyler?" Alex said butting in on their argument. Tyler turned to him and became filled with anger. He had had enough of this bullshit. 

"Screw you" Tyler spat and punched Alex square in the nose. He felt it crack under his fist and when he pulled away it was covered in blood. Alex gasped and stood up. He shoved Tyler and then grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer. Alex punched him in the face and then everything went black.

Before he knew it, Tyler found himself sitting in the principal's office, his knees pulled up to his chest as he inspected his nails. The other hand was holding an ice pack up to his black eye.

"Tyler," the principal spoke. He looked away from his hand and over to the woman. She looked to be just over 50 and her hair was pulled up in a tight bun. "Would you like to tell me what happened?" She asked, sounding like Tyler's fucking psychiatrist, which pissed him off. 

"Well, Jamie started calling my friends 'fags' and then Alex accused me of being a 'fag'. So I got really mad that something like being gay should even matter or that he would even say that so I punched him. Then he punched me and I don't remember what happened after that" Tyler rambled, his words clashing together as tears rolled down his cheeks. 

The principal just nodded her head. "Well since the other boys are at fault that will lessen your punishment. However you do have lunch detention for the rest of the week" She said and then nodded her head towards the door, signaling that Tyler could go back to class. 

Tyler ditched the ice pack on the secretary's desk and then rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears. 

He walked into poetry and tried to keep his head down. Josh waved him over and patted the desk next to him. 

"Hey" he said, "we're just working on projects right now" 

Tyler just nodded his head and sat down next to him. He put his head down on the desk, just like Ryan had the week before. He was still crying, the tears slipping silently down his cheeks. Josh reached across the aisle hesitantly and rubbed his back. Josh's hand felt like it was on fire from the touch and pulled it away. 

Tyler sat up and swiped his thumbs underneath his eyes. "You wanna come over after school today? We could talk about it if you want, but only if you want to" Josh offered, hoping he wouldn't be shot down. Even though that was unlikely, they had hung out plenty of times before. 

"Yeah, sounds sick" Tyler said and he even smiled a little bit. 

"So sick" Josh whispered and smirked.


	8. therefore I'm not a gangster

Tyler flopped down on one side of the couch and Josh sat down on the other. He leaned forward and rubbed his temples. He had had a migraine since lunch. Which, of course, was from blurryface spelling out awful thoughts in his mind.

"So... What's goin on?" Josh asked cautiously as he watched Tyler lean back into the couch. He obviously had meant it in a 'what is wrong' way and that made Tyler kind of nervous for some reason. He pulled his knees up to his chest and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure if he should give Josh all the details. They had never really had a deep conversation before and he didn't want Josh to be offended by what his 'friends' had said. 

He sighed quietly, "I feel so fricken bad about what happened on Friday night and it's been bothering me all weekend" Josh nodded his head and Tyler made eye contact with him, he held it for a moment but then looked back down at his socks. "Ryan gave me the death stare all morning and Brendon is avoiding me, well at least I think he is. So I didn't want to bother you guys today at lunch and I sat with my teammates for the first time since we started hanging out" Tyler was just pushing all of the words out of his mouth, nervously rushing through every syllable as it formed in his chest. "They said I must've been hanging out with my 'fag emo' friends. Which is so mean of them to even say. Somehow they know about Brendon and Ryan's affair thing and-" Tyler felt a tear slip down his cheek, he mentally cursed himself for crying, he hated crying and now he was doing it in front of Josh. Josh got up from his side of the couch and put his arm around Tyler. Tyler looked at him and Josh felt his heart speed up as his beautifully misty eyes searched his. 

"S'okay Ty, slow down" He reassured him and Tyler sank further into his arms. He felt a calming rush come about him, the same one he felt just a few nights earlier. 

When Tyler melted into him Josh felt heart rate sped up and he couldn't help but wrap his arms around him tighter. 

"Well, then Alex accused me of being a 'fag' and God I hate that word and everything about it and it made me so mad so I punched him and broke his nose and then he punched me and I blacked out. Now, I have a week of detention and I'll probably have to sit the next couple of games. My Dad and my coach are going to kill me and everyone probably hates me" The last part was a whisper, hushed into Josh's chest. That was blurryface talking. Tyler reached up and itched his burning neck as he settled further into Josh.

They were laying down now, Josh's back against the back of the couch and Tyler tucked into the crook of his neck with his arm draped over Josh. Tyler silently hoped Josh didn't think this was weird, two supposedly straight boys cuddled up into a couch in a garage. 

"Are you?" Josh asked suddenly. 

"What?" Tyler asked and looked up at Josh. 

"Are you, I don't know? Gay I guess? You don't have to tell me..." Josh trailed off, wondering why he had even asked in the first place. 

"No" He said, "well I guess? I'm pansexual" His heart was beating quickly, this was the first time he had 'come out' to anyone but it felt right somehow despite how nervous it made him feel. 

"That's cool. I'm gay" Josh said quietly. "In case you wanted to know" He added quickly. Tyler hummed in response, his heart rate slowing down as he decided if they both knew that neither of them were straight then maybe was okay that they were on a couch in a garage cuddling. 

"What about Jenna?" Josh asked, breaking the silence yet again. "You know that whole Brendon thing..." 

"I'm breaking up with her. I can't do it anymore. I cheated on her and I really don't feel anything for her to put it simply. I'm such a jerk for leading her on like I am" Tyler said and Josh rubbed circles into his back. Jenna probably wouldn't like that this whole thing was happening either. 

"They don't hate you by the way. The clique. Ryan will get over it, he can be a hot headed and stubborn from time to time. Brendon just doesn't know what to say and he doesn't want to make Ryan any more mad than he is. And Patrick and the rest of them understand" 

"Think so?"

"Know so" Josh whispered into Tyler's hair. 

Tyler picked up his phone and checked the time. "Shoot, I have to go to basketball practice" he reluctantly pulled himself away from Josh and grabbed his backpack. He felt oddly calm and relaxed, his migraine had disappeared. 

"Good luck" Josh said, knowing that Tyler was going to have to deal with pissed off teammates and an even more pissed off coach. He walked him to the front door and at the last second Tyler turned around and looked him the eye. 

"Thank you for listening. It didn't seem like much but I needed it so bad" Tyler said, his eyes watering again. He laughed suddenly "you'd think fighting someone would make me all thug and gangster... but gangsters don't cry, therefore I'm not one" He reached up and wiped a tear from under his eye. 

Josh laughed quietly, "Anytime Tyler. I mean it, I'll always be here. And I don't quite think you're meant to be thug" Josh smiled, the skin around his eyes wrinkling. Suddenly he grabbed Tyler's shoulders and hugged him and Tyler squeezed back tightly. "Sit with us tomorrow, 'kay?" Tyler nodded and turned to leave. 

Josh closed the door and sighed. The warm feeling he felt from hugging Tyler still radiating in his chest. He was absolutely rekt for this kid and he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TURN UP FOR SHITTY CHAPTERS. I am so sorry this is a week late but my AP classes slammed me this week and I haven't been the best. I love you guys. Please continue to comment they never fail to make my day. Sorry if there are mistakes I don't have time to proofread.


	9. smol bean gets clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of happy for once! Also thanks for all the comments and kudos.those always make my seat you have no idea. I really hope you like this chapter!

It was Friday once again. The week had flown by after Monday night. On Tuesday morning Brendon and Sarah broke up, which broke all hell loose in the school. That same morning Ryan and Brendon started dating (they made up obviously) and Tyler had kindly told his friends something along the lines of "frick you guys, I'm out" 

On Thursday he broke up with Jenna. This, had been difficult, possibly the hardest thing he's ever done regarding his social life. It took a lot of consideration. He had even confided with Patrick the night before in the garage. They talked about it for a little while, and Patrick finally helped him conclude that the best thing for both Tyler and Jenna to do was break up with her. The guilt of cheating on her had been plaguing his mind for days now, even though it was one drunken kiss, but none the less it was killing him. Not to mention the fact that he really didn't love her like he used to.

It all went down after school. He tried his hardest to let her down easy. It wasn't pretty. 

***  
"Jenna, can we talk?" Tyler asked quietly. They were in the parking lot, she was leaning up against his red Impala. 

She looked up at him, so innocently. "What's up Tyler?" Tyler thought she looked beautiful like that, her big blue eyes peering up at his own. He felt a pang of sorrow in his heart. 

"I-I t-think we should break up" Tyler choked out., he looked off to the side, avoiding her gaze. Her smile quickly faded and she raised her eyebrow. 

"Breakup?!" She whisper shouted. Now her eyes were beginning to water and he gripped the stars of his backpack a little tighter. 

"Yeah, I- I just don't think we're working out anymore?" It came out as question, he didn't mean for it to but he didn't know what to say. He couldn't just flat out say: 'I don't love you anymore and I made out with Brendon Urie and also I've been cuddling with that Josh Dun guy more than I'd like to admit' 

"Not working out! Tyler you said you loved me!" Tyler winced at her shouting, she was crying now. He looked around the parking lot but quickly looked away when he realised Jenna's yelling had grabbed the attention of the other seniors and juniors in the parking lot.

"I know I did Jenna and I really did back then but I just don't think we should be together anymore. You are so beautiful and I know you will find a better boyfriend who will love you even more than I did" Tyler whispered sweetly and leans down to kiss her cheek. It felt right for some reason and he didn't love her but he really wanted the best for her. He was crying now too and he absolutely hated it but he felt so bad for hurting her.

"I don't want another boyfriend Tyler! I want you!" She cried out and he pulled her into his chest and hugged her. 

"No you don't Jenna, you'll find someone better than me, you deserved better than me. I promise" She was sobbing now, her boyfriend of a year and a half was breaking up with her out of nowhere. Tyler felt so bad to do this to her but he knew that he needed to get out of the relationship and she needed someone who loved her and would be faithful to her. 

With that he walked her to her car. Her uneven sobs got the attention of all the other students and they sent her empathetic looks. He told her sorry one last time before closing the door to the car and walking away.

But he felt the weight of the world lifted off his shoulders.  
***  
So now it was Friday and they were in Josh's room. They were supposed to be working on the project but instead they were listening to music. 

"Are you sad?" Josh asked suddenly. Tyler snapped his head up from his Twitter timeline and raised an eyebrow. "Ya know... About Jenna?" 

"Oh... Well, I don't mean to be a jerk but... No?" Tyler said honestly and Josh giggled. "I mean I feel bad that I hurt her as much as I did but I really wasn't interested in her" Josh felt an odd feeling of hope wash over him. He brushed it off, not wanting to acknowledge it.

"Oh yeah?" Was all Josh could say and Tyler nodded and went back to his phone. "You wanna play mariokart?" He asked. 

Tyler smiled and nodded. He got up and sat on the bed next to Josh. Josh looked down because their thihhs were touching. It really wasn't anything to be excited about but he felt this heat radiating off of the spot where their legs met. 

Then Tyler put his hand on his thigh. Tyler didn't even notice he was doing it but Josh did. And he didn't want to admit that he felt sparks flying off of his leg. 

"Josh..." Tyler said, pulling Josh back into reality. "Josh hand me the controller" 

"Oh... Oh! Right" Josh said and Tyler laughed the cutest laugh he thinks he's ever heard in his entire God damn life.

Time passed quickly. Josh lost every game because Tyler kept giggling and smiling and his thigh kept burning so Josh couldn't focus. 

"I told you I'd win" 

"That doesn't count!" Josh protested. Tyler erupted into a fit of laughter and Josh joined him too because no matter how hard he tried to deny it, Tyler was just so perfect. 

Eventually the fell back into Josh's bed, gasping for air. "What bands do you like?" Josh asked out of nowhere (he liked asking random questions a lot, Tyler noted). 

"Oh well... If I'm being honest, I really like My Chemical Romance and All Time Low but I never really talk about it or anything because all my old friends used to say it was emo or whatever" 

Josh sat up on the bed. "You do?!" He asked excitedly. 

"Yeah" 

"Oh my gosh I could make you into the cutest emo kid, Ty. Let me give you a make over" Josh said quickly, and then blushed because oh no did he say that out loud? 

"Really?" Tyler asked, he sat up on the bed. 

"Yes... And if I'm being honest you need new clothes. I don't mean it in a bad way but all you ever wear is basketball shorts and t-shirts" Tyler gasped and slapped his arm. 

"I do not!" 

"Ty, you're wearing that right now" Josh said sassily. Tyler looked down and blushed. 

"Fine" Josh grabbed his hand and pulled him off the bed.

"Do you own black skinny jeans?" Josh asked. 

"Yeah but I never wear them because you know... My friends" 

"Yeah, okay well fuck your friends Tyler. Wear them and..." He paused and turned to his closet and grabbed a t-shirt and shoved it toward him. "This" 

"I can have it?" Tyler asked, unfolding the shirt and looking at the writing on it. It was a black shit Ty and it said My Chemical Romance on what looked like a ouija board. 

"Yeah it doesn't fit me because it's from when I was a freshman but you're smol. It'll fit. Try it on" 

Tyler turned a shade of red in embarrassment and stripped off his shirt. Josh tried hard not to look but he had these perfect abs. They weren't harshly defined like the ones in the magazines were but they softly poked through from under his skin. Josh liked it. 

Tyler pulled the shirt on. It fit him perfectly, hugging him across the chest in the most perfect way. 

"Perfect" Josh said. "Wear this too, you seem like the floral type" he handed him this weird thing with a flower print on it and Tyler held it out in front of him. 

"What is this?" Tyler asked as he turned it over in his hands. 

"It's like a kimono robe thing, I don't know it was my ex-girlfriends but she left it here" Josh said. Tyler raised an eyebrow at him. "I didn't know I was gay" Tyler smiled and nodded his head, he got it.

He put it on. "It looks better on you than it did on Debby" Josh said honestly. Tyler looked in the full sized mirror an did a little twirl. It looked odd with the bright blue basketball shorts he was wearing but he had to admit it, he was slowly becoming his own aesthetic. "It's totally punk rock, I swear" Josh assured him as gave him a bright smile. 

"I kind of like it" Tyler whispered, more to himself than Josh. 

"Wear it to Bren's party tomorrow!" Josh said, like it was the best idea ever. 

"I don't know... Alex and Jenna are going..." Tyler said, turning to face Josh. 

"And you'll make them jealous, break some hearts Tyler" Josh said, grabbing Tyler's shoulders. 

"Fine. I'll wear it" Tyler agreed, a small smirk printed across his face.


	10. god, you're so beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at all of those interview and old video references. I saw Josh and Tyler on Saturday and holy shit were they so fucking amazing. I won't go into detail about it all but I was literally sobbing near the end of the concert because Goner made me super emotional. I hope all of you guys get a chance to see them one day (if you haven't already) anyway, have this. I worked a lot on it (shocking, I know)

Tyler checked his appearance in the mirror for the tenth time before leaving. He was standing with his head cocked to the side as he tugged on the hem of his shirt. He was wearing the My Chemical Romance t-shirt and kimono Josh had given to him, along with the floral vans and black, ripped up skinny jeans he had bought on impulse and worn once. He felt a little self conscious, mainly of what people would be thinking of him. Otherwise, he really liked the way he looked.He was kind of his own aesthetic, if he was being honest.

Josh was sitting in the basement at the party chatting with Brendon and Patrick when he saw Tyler come down the stairs. He looked perfect. He had expected Tyler to look good but... not this good.

"Hey Josh!" Tyler exclaimed and pulled him in for a bro hug. He then turned to Brendon and did the same.

"Lookin' good bud! New threads, new look?" Brendon said, giving Tyler a once over.

"Actually, Josh gave them to me. But yea, maybe a new look. I'm kind of turning over a new leaf you know?" Tyler said shyly while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well I fucking love it. I'll catch you later though, I'm gonna go find Ry" With that, Brendon turned on his heal and marched his way over to the far corner of the basement. Tyler looked at Josh and smiled, he did a little spin, his kimono flowing behind him.

"Very nice, I love it" Josh said through a grin. 'I love it' did not even describe what he was thinking about it. He thought he looked so good. His fluffy hair complemented his face perfectly and the black skinny jeans hugged his legs in just the right places.

"Look at it, just look at it. Would ya just... look at it!" Tyler laughed, his voice cracked a little as he vaguely gestured to himself. 

"Oh I'm lookin' at it Ty... it's very punk rock" Josh joked and holy he was looking at it and he could not stop. Josh flopped back down onto the couch and Tyler followed suit. Josh absent mindedly slung his arm around the couch and sub-consciously settled a little further into Josh's side.

"Fucking look at this" Pete said falling onto the couch on the other side of Josh. He was holding his phone in his lap, Tyler leaned over Josh. He placed his hand on his thigh so he could stabilize himself. Josh leaned his head back so he didn't have a face full of Tyler's hair but he got a whiff of his shampoo anyway (he smelled like coconut). 

"Gabe Saporta is so hot what the hell, I hate him" Pete groaned and Tyler just laughed nodded his head in agreement.

Tyler settled back into Josh's side but he left his hand on Josh's leg. This time it wasn't coming off as innocent. It was up there, not on his knee like the night before, but dangerously high up on his thigh. That familiar tingling sensation was coming back again and Josh couldn't help but start thinking about him doing less than innocent things.

Before he knew it he had an erection and he was freaking out because what if Tyler felt it and oh god what does he do now?

"Okay, I'll be right back" Josh said, suddenly standing up, causing Tyler to fall over a little from the loss of support.

Before Tyler or Pete could say anything he had darted off to the bathroom. Tyler just turned to Pete and shrugged his shoulders. Pete went back to looking at pictures of Cobra Starship.

When Josh burst into the bathroom Brendon was already in there, washing his hands. Josh walked in anyway and closed the door behind him. He leaned against the door and slid down to the ground, grabbing his hair in frustration.

"Josh! Is that a snake in your pants or are you that excited to see me?" Brendon asked jokingly and leaned against the wall, resting his head on his hand.

"Brendon, I am so fucked" Josh groaned, ignoring his comment.

"And why would that be?" Brendon asked, his voice dripping with fake curiosity, he already knew.

"Tyler... He's so... Perfect?" Was all he could muster, the words in his head were spiral around and he couldn't form a complete thought.

"Make a move" Brendon said simply.

"He just broke up with Jenna, Bren. There is no way he likes me already and he probably doesn't like guys" Josh mumbled.

"Josh he literally told you he was pansexual like a week ago" Brendon rolled his eyes at Josh.

"Yeah but-"

"Josh, he was practically giving you a hand job a minute ago"

"Well now you're just exaggerating..." He paused. "You saw that?"

"Oh Josh, I see everything" He smiled and held a hand out to him. "Now go get your floral prince" Josh giggled and took Brendon's hand. They walked out of the bathroom and Brendon gave his hand one last squeeze of encouragement before rushing over to Ryan, who was giving them a cold stare, to assure him it was not what it seemed.

Josh made his way back to the couch, erection-free this time, and held his hand out to Tyler. "You wanna get out of here?" Josh said, a smirk draped across his lips.

"Clichè" Tyler giggled but grabbed his hand anyway. "I just got here like 20 minutes ago though" Tyler said with faux-sadness, jutting his bottom out slightly.

"Parties suck, let's go to my house and play Mariokart, my parents aren't home" Josh whispered.

"I can never turn down Mariokart" Tyler exclaimed and Josh draped an arm around Tyler's shoulder and led him upstairs. Josh caught a glimpse of Brendon and Ryan before they left. Brendon pretended to hump the air and Ryan just smiled and gave him a thumbs up. Josh laughed and silently thanked God Ryan wasn't mad about the whole bathroom thing because having Ryan mad at you was quite possibly the worst thing to happen.

"You know you look really good tonight" Josh said cautiously once they were behind closed doors in his room.

"You don't look so bad yourself, Dun" Tyler said, taking a step forward and closing a bit if space between them in an attempt to tug on Josh's army jacket.

Josh took another step towards Tyler, now they were close together, their chests almost touching. Tyler craned his neck a bit to look at him through his eyelashes and Josh looked down on him. For a moment they looked into each other's eyes for a moment and Tyler silently noted how beautiful Josh's ark brown eyes were.

Suddenly Tyler reached up and draped his eyes around Josh's neck and Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's waist and pressed their bodies together. "You didn't take me here to play Mariokart did you?"

"No, I took you here to do this" Josh whispered and he ducked down an connected their lips together. Tyler kissed back passionately. 

He pulled away for a moment to breathe "I was hoping that was why" Tyler smiled up at him.

"God, you're so beautiful" Josh said breathlessly and he turned and pushed Tyler down onto the bed. Tyler's back landed harshly against the mattress and Josh settled himself on top of Tyler's hips, his knees on either side of his legs. Josh kissed Tyler again, this time with a lot more confidence. He pulled away and began kissing along Tyler's jawline and eventually moved down to his neck. Tyler let out an embarrassingly loud moan, which made Josh's dick twitch. Josh bit down on Tyler's sweet spot and he involuntarily bucked his hips up.

"Josh-" Tyler groaned and turned his head to catch Josh's lips. Josh moaned into his mouth and rolled his hip down into him. Josh could feel his hard on through his skinny jeans and it was turning him on even more. He grabbed the hem of Tyler's shirt and began to tug it off when suddenly 'Cry Me a River' started playing from Tyler's pocket. Josh released his wrists and Tyler sat up to grab his phone out of his pocket. 

"Justin Timberlake?" Josh laughed breathlessly.

"Shut Up" Tyler blushed. "Hello?" He said, out of breath. 

"Tyler Robert Joseph! Do you have any idea what time it is?" Someone screamed and Josh's eyes got wide. He got off of him and allowed Tyler to sit up all the way. 

"Uhh... 11:30??" Tyler said sheepishly. 

"It's 1 am mister! You better get you're butt home or I swear-"

"Okay Mom! Okay, I am so sorry I am on my way home right now I... I was...." He paused and looked at Josh, who gave him a weak smile. "I lost track of time" 

"Home. Now." Mrs. Joseph said angrily and then hung up on Tyler. 

Tyler rubbed his neck and looked at Josh. "See you Monday?" 

"If your Mom doesn't kill you first" Josh laughed and Tyler walked over and quickly pecked his lips. 

"See you later" Tyler whispered and then proceeded to literally run out of Josh's room and out to his car. Josh groaned and flopped on his bed.

Tyler Joseph was going to be the death of him.


	11. peter wentz what are you wearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update! All of my AP classes straight fucked me over these two weeks so I've been busy. But I should be back to the normal Sunday night updates soon. Also if you say that I updated and then deleted it right away a while ago, my bad I accidentally hit post instead of save. Anyway thanks for reading <3 pls comment your thoughts!!

"And the home of the brave" Tyler dragged out the last note and gave a small smile to Josh from the court. Tonight was Tyler's last basketball game of his Junior year and tonight was senior night/the championships. He performed the Star-Spangled Banner and he would be starting in the game (per usual), so the clique came to watch.

"LET'S GO TYJO" Pete chanted from the top of his lungs, earning hateful stares from annoyed parents. Pete just laughed and continued to yell louder. He was wearing a fucking cheerleading outfit he had worn for Halloween one year just to fuck with Tyler and to embarrass his boyfriend. Patrick just blushed and tried to pretend like he didn't know Pete. Ryan and Brendon were holding up a sign that said "#3 on the court and #1 in our pants" That just flat out embarrassed Tyler and Brendon couldn't help but laugh his ass off every time Tyler looked at it and blushed Joe and Andy took turns shouting "Let's go Joseph!" followed but the other one vocalizing "Aooo-Oww!!" Needless to say, they were the loudest ones in the whole gym but Tyler wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Josh just smiled goofily the whole game as he watched Tyler. He looked so good in his uniform. The jersey was entirely too big for him and the v in the neckline hung down a little too far, revealing a lot of his bare chest. It was sleeveless, obviously, and showed his muscular arms that Josh had never appreciated before. In short, Tyler looked hot when he was all sweaty and out of breath. Josh couldn't stop thinking about the make out sessions they had had in the past week and how all he really wanted to do right now was kiss him and tell him how well he played. 

"He looks good doesn't he?" Pete said, startling him as Pete stood on his tip toes to wrap and arm around Josh.

"Not as good as you in that cheerleading outfit" Josh joked removing Pete's arm from his shoulder.

"No shit" Pete laughed. "But really though, why haven't you asked him out?" Josh peeled his eyes away from the court and frowned at him.

"What do you mean?" Josh said, suddenly serious.

"We all know you guys have been fucking or whatever every day for the past week when you claim you're 'working on your project' in your room. So I wanna know why you haven't asked him to be your boyfriend yet" Pete smiled and stepped up on the bench so he could be at Josh's eye level.

"We haven't had sex!" Josh defended and Pete just wiggled his eyebrows. "I don't know, what if he doesn't like me like that"

"Oh my fucking god Josh" Pete face palmed and looked at his friends. "He's doing it again you guys! He's doing it again" They all groaned and Josh just whimpered and avoided their eyes.

Brendon stepped down a bench to join them. "What's it about this time"

"He says Tyler doesn't like him like 'that'" Pete said putting emphasis on that. Josh did this a lot and his friends had to deal with it a lot. He always second guessed and doubted himself on things that weren't even worth worrying about. But they all knew it had to do with his anxiety so they didn't mind putting up with it. Whether it was Patrick or Joe or Ryan, they all took turn reassuring him.

Brendon grabbed his shoulder and shook him a little, making the SnapBack he was wearing fall off of his head. "Tyler Joseph fucking likes you and if you don't ask him out tonight I swear to God we will disown you" Pete nodded in agreement and Josh smiled shyly.

"Fine"

After the game the clique was waiting outside of the locker room for Tyler to come out. They had won, thanks to Tyler and Zack, and they were all planning on going out to dinner to celebrate. Tyler walked out in his black skinny jeans and a Fall Out Boy shirt that he had gotten from their first gig a few weeks ago. His hair was still wet from the showers and clung to his forehead a little bit, but never the less he looked cute.

He was nearly knocked over when everyone crushed him with hugs. He smiled and thanked everyone for coming. He felt like he was on top of the world. They had won the Catholic league championships and his coach told him that he wanted him to be the head captain again next season. Now he got to spend the rest of the night with his best friends and Josh.

"Adorable" Tyler said as he tugged on the bottom of Pete's skirt.

"It's all for you baby" Pete said and wiggled his hips in Tyler's direction. Tyler just laughed and even blushed a little bit. Patrick smirked and slapped his arm.

"I'm kidding, I'd never do that to you babe" Pete said in a faux deep voice and wrapped his arm around Patrick. He whispered something into his ear that made Patrick's cheeks flush deep red.

Eventually they left the gym and hopped Ryan's mini van. Tyler had to sit inbetween the two middle seats because there weren't enough seats and he was the skinniest besides Ryan. Joe leaned over the centre console and pushed their EP into the disk player. Ryan removed one hand from the steering wheel and slapped his hand away. "We're not listening to Eating Out With Your Girlfriend again"

Joe scowled and said, "Evening Out With Your Girlfriend"

"Eating Out With Your Girlfriend" Ryan repeated and took it out again.

"Evening Out With-" Joe began before getting cut off.

"It's called Eating Out Your Girlfriend and it's real and it doesn't matter" Brendon shouted and shoved the cd back in and pressed play.

"Hell yeah, fucking play it" Pete shouted from the very back and Honourable Mention was quickly playing through the speakers and they were all scream-singing along, even Ryan.

They pulled into the the Buffalo Wild Wings parking lot just as The World's Not Waiting ended. The eight of them filed out of the car. Andy slung an arm around Ryan and said, "Ross, admit it you'll never get old of our shitty music" Ryan just scoffed and wiggled his arm off of his shoulder.

"Yeah Ryan, when we get big and we're on the last show of our sold out arena tour, maybe I'll let you on stage to give the fans a wave"

"Oh fuck off Pete" Ryan tried to sound sincere but Pete knew he was just messing around .

They spent dinner arguing over Sum 41 and Blink-182. Josh, Tyler, Pete, and Brendon ended up winning because Blink-182 is in fact 2959 times better and more influential than Sum 41. After they finished eating Tyler and Josh excused themselves to go play each other in Pac-Man in the games corner of the restaurant.

"Fucking hell how are you so good at this?" Josh whisper yelled so the surrounding tables wouldn't hear him. Tyler smiled and shrugged his shoulders as he beat yet another level.

"I'm not good, you just suck so much that I look like I'm great at it" Tyler said playfully and Josh shoved his shoulder making Tyler push the joystick right, and consequently his character, right into a ghost. "Jish!" Tyler shouted and shoved shoved Josh back. "I hate you" He fake-pouted and crossed his arms.

"No you don't" Josh said and pulled him in and quickly gave him a peck on this lips.

"I know" Tyler sighed and leaned in for another quick kiss.

"So I was wondering..." Josh paused and took a deep breath. "Do you want to go out with me? Like maybe you don't but we do this kissing thing a lot and so I thought maybe we should just-" Tyler cut off his rambling by pressing his lips to Josh's. He pulled away to look up at Josh through his lashes and smile sincerely.

"So is that a yes?" Josh said, even though he knew the answer.

"Gosh Josh, of course I'll go out with you" Tyler said and laced his fingers with Josh's. He led him back to the table and Josh held their hands up for everyone to see. They all clapped and Pete and Brendon threw in a few 'whoops'.

"Told you so" Patrick mouthed to Tyler and gave him a thumbs up.

After they payed their separate checks, Ryan dropped them all off at their houses since they all lived in the same area.

"I saw all of those guys cheering for you at the game. I think that's the best game you've ever played! Did you have a nice night?" Tyler's Mom asked excitedly when Josh walked into the living room.

"The best" Tyler said through a smile and went up to his room.

And for the first time in forever, he fell asleep without arguing with Blurryface for hours on end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave me a comment, I am very lonely


	12. joy division

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's gonna see what we did Tyler. Then he'll finally stop pitying you and dump your worthless ass.

"Love, love will tear us apart, again" Patrick sang out as Ryan strummed out the final notes of the song fiercely on the couch next to them. When they both cut the song off abruptly everyone clapped and Pete even whistled.

Once again they had landed themselves in the Josh's garage on a Friday night. They weren't really drinking per say, but everyone was nursing a beer. It wasn't enough to get them drunk, just enough to to make them feel warm and a little fuzzy. Tyler was sitting happily on Josh's lap while he absentmindedly traced shapes onto his back, making Tyler hum contently.

Patrick stood up to get a water and Tyler got up to follow him, reluctantly leaving Josh's lap and back rubs. "You are really good Patrick" Tyler said as he grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"Thanks TyJo" Patrick said, smiling sincerely. "That means a lot coming from you"

"D-Do you think you could give me some tips sometime?" Tyler asked shyly, his anxiety breaking through a bit. It wan't that he was uncomfortable around Patrick, in fact they were actually kind of close, Patrick gave good advice when it came to Josh and Tyler liked to help Patrick with chemistry homework when he needed it. Tyler just didn't want to burden him or anything.

"Of course! Not that you *need* them Tyler, you're an amazing vocalist. But I'm always happy to help" Patrick said excitedly and Tyler let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He cheeks tinged a bit pink at the unnecessary and incorrect (at least according to Blurry) compliments.

"Really? That's awesome!" Tyler said and gave a cheeky smile.

"Yeah, tomorrow morning, my house?" Patrick asked as opened his water. Tyler nodded and they both went their separate ways back to their boyfriends.

"What's got you so happy?" Josh whispered into Tyler's ear when he took his spot in Josh's lap again.

"Patrick and I are gonna hang out and he's gonna help me sing tomorrow" Tyler said quietly so no one else would hear him (aka he didn't want to look like a dork).

"Oh yeah? Can I make you happy too?" Josh whispered again, this time much more seductively. Tyler giggled because Josh wasn't as smooth as he thought he was being but never the less he turned his head to kiss him. Josh immediately put his tongue in his mouth, making Tyler moan quietly.

"Yeah" Was all Tyler could get out before Josh picked him up bridal style off his lap and made his way up to his room.

Josh kicked the door closed behind them and immediately put Tyler down so he could shove him against the wall. He kissed Tyler again, this time much more carefully, but just as passionately. Tyler parted his lips and Josh took the opportunity to push his tongue into his mouth.

Tyler moaned and leaned his head back against the wall. Josh then peppered kisses down his cheek and onto the other's sharp jaw line. He licked down his neck and down just above his collar bone, which made Tyler whimper.

Josh wedged his leg in between Tyler's so his erection was against his thigh and Josh could feel Tyler's against his. He bucked his hips slightly and Tyler gasped sharply.

Josh pulled off his shirt and then Tyler's. He took a moment to admire Tyler's toned stomach and Tyler took a second to do the same to the sharp V that stuck out just above Josh's skinny jeans.

Tyler leaned up a bit to capture Josh's mouth in a kiss again and this time it was Josh moaned. But once again he moved back down to Tyler's collar bone and gave him a few hickeys on his chest. He moved his hands up to rub Tyler's chest. He swirled a thumb over one of his nipples and Tyler made a noise that went straight to Josh dick and caused him to grind down against the other's leg. Tyler winced in pain for a second and sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth when his jeans rubbed against the fairly fresh cuts on his leg from two nights earlier, when Blurryface was just too loud to drown out and the blades were too shiny and perplexing to go untouched. He prayed silently that Josh hadn't noticed him being thrown off a bit.

*He's gonna see what we did Tyler. Then he'll finally stop pitying you and dump your worthless ass* Tyler silently willed for Blurry to shut the frick up because now wasn't the time and he was finally getting past first base with Josh. So in an attempt to distract himself from Blurry's naggging he flipped Josh around so he was the one pinned against the wall. He just wasn't ready for Josh to know how broken he was.

Suddenly Tyler dropped to his knees in front of Josh and he began kissing the space of skin right above his belt buckle. Tyler looked up at Josh and he nodded his head so Tyler began to undo his belt buckle. He yanked the other's skinny jeans down to his knees and began palming him through his boxers.

"Fuck, Ty" Josh groaned as he threw his head against the wall behind him. Josh smirked and then went back to kissing above his waist band.

"P-Please Tyler"

"Please what? What do you want me to do?" Tyler said, just to tease him because he knew exactly what Josh wanted.

"Tyler... Suck me off" He whined. "Wanna see your pretty mouth around me" Tyler quickly pulled down Josh's boxers, eager to please him. He wrapped a hand around the base of Josh's cock, making him moan. Then he quickly licked the tip and took him in his mouth.

"Fuck, Tyler" Josh groaned loudly. Tyler looked up at him, insanely turned on by the obscenities spilling from Josh's mouth, through his lashes and Josh pushed his hands into the brown fluff ball of hair on Tyler's head. "Look so good like that baby" Tyler hummed against Josh and he threw his head back against the wall. He let out a pornographic noise and yanked on Tyler's hair. Tyler reached down and began palming himself through his skinny jeans.

"Tyler... Gonna..." Then suddenly Tyler's mouth was filled with Josh's cum and he quickly swallowed it. Tyler stood up and kissed him. Josh could taste himself, which was weird to think about, but suddenly he felt Tyler hard in against his bare thigh and he realized there were more important things to worry about, like his boyfriends dick. He pulled up his boxers and then grabbed Tyler's wrist so he could drag him over to the bed. He pushed Tyler down on the bed and stood above him. He pulled his skinny jeans off, eager to make Tyler feel as good as he had made him feel.

"Are you kidding me?" Josh laughed when he saw Tyler pink boxers, which had skeletons on them.

"What?" Tyler said worriedly and quickly sat up, concerned that Josh could see his scars and thought he was pathetic or something.

*Told you so. I'm right Tyler, I'm always right. He's laughing at you*

"I'm pretty sure your boxers were made for 7 year olds" Tyler let out a sharp breath and giggled. He mentally noted this moment and remembered to use it as evidence next time he argued with Blurry and how he wasn't always right.

"I got them from American Eagle and they are very punk rock so shut up" Tyler defended himself. Josh just shook his head and put his hand in the middle of Tyler's chest and pushed him back down on the bed. He crawled on the bed and straddled him and began to kissed Tyler passionately. He slid a hand between them and into Tyler's dumb boxers (which made Tyler thank God because he was praying Josh wouldn't take them off). His dick was already slick with pre-cum and it made it easy for Josh to stroke him.

"Josh... Faster" Tyler whimpered, feeling the nervousness of Josh seeing his scars being quickly being replaced by sheer pleasure. He bucked up into Josh's hand when he swirled a thumb over his slit.

Tyler came quickly in his boyfriend's hand, which came along with loud moans, and his back arching surprisingly high.

They both collapsed in bed and Tyler rested his head on Josh's chest and he began to play with Tyler's hair.

"There's boxers in the top drawer if you want a pair" Josh said, smirking.

"Are we gonna-" Tyler asked, suddenly wondering if the guys in the room just below them had heard the all the moaning.

"Nah, fuck them. They know the way out when they want to leave" Josh said. Tyler hummed in response and got up and changed very quickly into Josh's boxers, and in his defense they had alien emojis on them so he shouldn't be one to talk about his.

The he climbed back into bed, nestled his head into Josh's side and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 911: IM GOING TO HELL BC ONE - THIS UPDATE IS REALLY LATE AND TWO - SMUT. Anyway thanks for reading pls comment with your thoughts and opinions. Also leave a kudos/vote if you like this. Love you.


	13. patrick was fine this morning... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone for like a month, have this piece of trash to make up for it

Tyler shifted his weight nervously on Patrick's front porch. It was around 9:30, he had slipped from Josh's grip in the bed at 8 this morning and took a shower. He threw on his skinny jeans and stole Josh's 'The Fallen Will Rise' t-shirt, it was slightly baggy on Tyler. After he was dressed he quietly paced in Josh's room, he was nervous, and watched Josh sleep. He left Josh a note saying he  went to Patrick's, he'd see him at the show later tonight, and he loved him. He waved goodbye to Josh's mom and then made the short walk to Patrick's house and then there he was awkwardly deciding to knock or ring the doorbell. Was Patrick awake? Was he here to early? He should have texted him first. 

After a minute Tyler finally rang the door bell and Patrick opened it without missing a beat. 'H-hey Patrick! I hope I'm not too early, I wasn't sure..." Tyler rambled awkwardly stepping into the house and crossing his arms across his chest. 

"No problem, Tyler! This is actually perfect timing, I was just finishing breakfast" Patrick said, smiling warmly, this calmed down Tyler. Patrick was easily one of the nicest people Tyler knew, he didn't know why he was nervous now. Patrick led him into the kitchen where his Mom was drinking coffee. "Mom, this is Tyler" 

"Hello, Tyler! It's nice to meet you, I'm Mrs. Stumph. Patrick told me you were coming over to work on vocals?" Mrs. Stumph said, smiling widely, just like Patrick always did. 

"Yeah, Patrick has an amazing voice and I was hoping he could teach me a thing or two" Tyler said, blushing slightly. 

"He doesn't need the help, really" Patrick said, nudging Tyler's arm. "Anyway, we'll be in the basement"

"Okay, just don't mess with your Dad's sheet music or anything" Mrs. Stump said, like Patrick didn't already know the drill, and then returned to sipping her coffee. Patrick turned on his heel and then descended down the case of stairs attached to the living room. 

"Is your Dad a musician too?" asked Tyler, his voice full of curiosity. 

"Yeah! He's a folk singer, I'd introduce you but he's out of town this weekend" Patrick said as he plopped down on one of the couches in the basement. Tyler had been here before, though he'd never meet his parents and he'd never been here without someone else, like Ryan or Pete or Josh. The part of the room dedicated to Fall Out Boy's make-shift practice area was empty, save for Joe's practice guitar and pics all over the place. Everything was probably already packed in Pete's car for the show later. On the far wall, opposite the practice area, there were a few guitars lining the walls, it finally made sense that Patrick had so many, his Dad was a musician. 

"So, first I want to show you how to properly warm up your voice" Patrick said, pulling down the sleeves of his t-shirt over his skinny arms. "It's really important you do this, it sounds better rather than just jumping into a song or show or whatever. Okay, this is gonna sound weird. But just go with it" Patrick starts saying 'woah' over and over moving his voice up and down and testing his vocal range. Tyler just sat there, watching him, slightly amazed that Patrick's voice still sounded great while doing this. After that Patrick laughed a little and then started saying 'Oo' starting as low a he could, going all the way up to the top of his vocal range. "Okay, you're turn" Patrick said, blushing a little because he was embarrassed. 

"Oh jeez, okay" Tyler laughed and then started. His voice was much more rough than Patrick's and it was naturally of a lower pitch when doing this, even though it was higher when he sang. He felt self-conscious, his voice was no where as good as the other teen's. Patrick smiled encouragingly and Tyler nervously started wringing his hands. "I feel dumb" He said and then laughed awkwardly. 

"I know but you sound good!" 

"My voice is like, nothing, compared to yours" Tyler said, breaking eye contact with the other. 

"No! It's just different!" Patrick said and patted Tyler on the back. "You know Brendon? He's a great singer right?" Tyler nodded, remembering him singing absent-mindedly in the band room. "Okay, he doesn't sound like me, right? He sings like Frank Sinatra but he can also sing like a pop star. He's an amazing vocalist. Ryan can sing really well too! He can sing like he's in the fucking Beatles or something . But, he can have a super full voice when he signs at the same time. He's good too. And you, your voice is rough and raw, it's really unique and nice to listen too. Even when you talk it sounds so nice, I could listen to it for hours" Patrick said honestly. Normally Tyler would take this as flirting but he knew this was just Patrick being Patrick.

"Really? Thanks..." Tyler said, mirroring Patrick's smile. 

"Anyway, that's how you warm up. At least that's how I learned but there's other ways too" Patrick said as he stood up and walked over to the empty practice area. "I always do this before shows, it's kind of lame... but it'll be fun to do it together" He opened up a mac that was sitting on a stand next to an empty microphone stand. All of the sudden Over My Head by The Fray came on and Patrick started singing along. Patrick motioned for Tyler to join him and he stood up off the couch and cautiously joined in. 

After a song or two, Tyler got a little more comfortable and Patrick and him got into singing together and dancing around the basement like idiots. Tyler enjoyed every second of it. Patrick's voice was full and strong while Tyler's was kind of thin and it broke sometimes, but it was okay, it still sounded good and besides, Patrick said his voice was unique to him and him only, so he should own it. 

They danced around for a while and took a few breaks so Patrick could give pointers and encourage Tyler. Before they knew it, it was already one. Patrick looked at the clock, "Oh shit, I have to be at the venue at two to do sound check and set everything up" 

"Oh, I better get going so you can get ready, dude" Tyler said, turning towards the stairs with Patrick in tow. 

"You're coming right?" Patrick said offhandedly. 

"Of course dude! Are you excited?" Tyler asked, it had been a while since Fall Out Boy had gotten a gig. He assumed Patrick was excited because Pete was off the fucking wall hype, the kid likes playing and jumping around on stage, Tyler can't blame him. 

"Well yeah... I'm a little worried though, we're playing at someone's birthday party and I heard that most of the kids like metal. We're not very... metal" Patrick said as Tyler sat down to tie on his vans. 

"Patrick, they'll love you no matter what! You guys are good. Like _good_ good. Just don't let 'em know you're nervous" Tyler told Patrick. He really had no need to be worried, he wasn't blowing smoke, they sounded good. Tyler just wished he could take his own advice sometimes. 

Tyler said his thanks and bro hugged Patrick good bye. He walked back to Josh's and they stayed together until it was time to head over to the show. Tyler tried to look as punk rock as he could, feeling slightly intimated knowing that everyone else was gonna be all hard core. He had on an A Day To Remember shirt he had gotten with Josh a while ago and his skinny jeans. That was about as punk rock as it got for Tyler. Josh fit in a lot better, black skinny jeans, Doc Martens, and a Metallica shirt combined with his hair, peircings and gauges, he looked like he belonged. The show was in the basement of a house and it was _packed_ full of guys and a few girls. Brendon was sitting with Ryan in the back of the room selling t-shirts and the boys had just gotten on the make shift stage when Tyler and Josh had walked in. 

Patrick was clearly trying to fit in with his clothes, ditching the usual sweater and trucker hat for a black beanie, studded belt, and a generic black t-shirt. Pete and Joe looked right at home, like Josh, and Andy was shirtless, so it didn't really matter. 

They were halfway through the set, they sounded great, everyone was having a good time and the crowd seemed to be enjoying what they were playing, Patrick's worries aside. Pete was going on about god knows what, music and saying how thankful he was that everyone was there to see them play and  to celebrate some guy's birthday when Patrick suddenly collapsed and hit the floor _real_ fucking hard. Pete whipped around and was kneeling next to him. Brendon had stood up from the table and was pushing through people to get to the stage. Joe was on the phone with 911. It was all happening so _fast._ By the time Tyler and Josh had made it through everyone to the stage, Joe was off the phone and whispering to Andy. Josh stood next to Ryan and said, "Again?" Ryan just nodded sadly. 

Again? What was happening again? Patrick seemed fine this morning... Right?  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, thanks for reading see you soon with another chap. what happened to trick? amirite.


	14. the clique is heartbroken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops

Josh practically sprinted into the hospital, Tyler trailing behind closely. He still had no idea what was going on despite asking Josh profusely in the car on the way over from the house. Josh gave him a lot of non-answers and said he'd rather Pete or the doctor filled him in, Pete knew more about Patrick's condition and didn't want to mess up the details. 

"Hi we're here for Patrick Stump... can we see him?" Josh asked the nurse behind the main desk of the emergency room. Just then Brendon  and Ryan had jogged into the ER and came to join Josh and Tyler. The woman nodded, typed a few things in her computer and then motioned for the boys to follow. 

Ryan and Brendon were holding hands, whispering feverishly into each others ears. Tyler managed to catch a few parts of it.

 "How long..." 

"I thought he stopped..."

"He promised Pete..."

"Well, he didn't seem to be showing as many symptoms as last time..." 

Tyler was beyond confused, no one was telling him anything, everyone else had an idea as to what was happening. Even if Tyler had joined the clique 2 or so months ago, that didn't mean he didn't care about Patrick. Of course he did, all the times he'd confided in Patrick secretly and had conversations about all kinds of things when everyone hung out together... so he'd obviously like to know what the fuck was going on. 

"Pete!" Ryan called out once the other guys came into view. Joe stood up properly, leaning off of a closed door that could only be assumed to be Patrick's room. Pete picked his head up , wiping off some tears and looking to the ceiling to try and calm down. Andy was sitting next to him, legs crossed, staring into space. 

"Hey guys" Pete said, trying to smile. 

"What's going on with Patrick?" Tyler asked as he took hold of Josh's hand to prepare himself for whatever was coming next. 

"Well, he's out right now and the doctor's in there doing tests and stuff. He hasn't really woken up yet.... since we got here, then again we haven't been here very long. I think he's done it again... I mean, I know he's done it again and I didn't see and I'm such bad boyfriend, I didn't know, I should have known" Pete said, breaking down and falling apart all over again, eyeliner smearing down his cheeks. Brendon let go of Ryan's hand and knelt down next to Pete and telling him it was okay and it wasn't his fault. Because it really wasn't, Pete had his own problems this really couldn't have been his fault.

Tyler of course still had no idea what the hell 'it' was. Just as The was mulling everything over the doctor opened the door and Joe jumped out of the way so he could step out. Pete stood up quickly and asked, "How is he?" 

"Well, his body is in a deep state of Ketosis. His body was beginning to shut down. It seems that he hasn't obtained any minerals, proteins, or any food really in quite some time. You said he was playing a show when this happened?" Everyone nodded quickly. "I think that after singing and dancing and playing guitar his body no longer had the energy to keep him going so he consequently passed out. He should be coming around soon. Does he have a history of this?"

Once again, everyone but Tyler nodded. "Yes, he... he... something really similar happened when were sophomores, well at least we were" Pete said pointing to Joe and Andy. "He told me he stopped though, he said he could stop... the hospital didn't keep him long... he promised..." Pete said trailing off. 

The doctor nodded sympathetically and looked around at all seven of the boys. "Well, as much as I'd like to tell you what the next steps are and his full diagnosis, you all seem very fond of your friend... I am required to tell his parents first. They are coming, yes?" The doctor, Dr. Siskind according to his name tag, asked. 

"Yeah, his Mom should be along shortly but his Dad is out of town" Andy answered whilst pushing his glasses up. 

The doctor nodded and told them to get a nurse to page him when Mrs. Stumph got there. The boys sat around quietly for a while waiting. Tyler and Josh slid down the wall outside Patrick's room and Tyler put his head on Josh's shoulder. "What's ketosis?" Tyler asked his boyfriend quietly, he was slowing piecing together the puzzle, but he didn't know what that meant. 

"It's like starvation mode. When you don't eat for a long time and then your body starts eating itself to stay alive" Josh whispered back dismally, stoking Tyler's knuckles with his thumb.

Just then Mrs. Stumph walked up, her cheeks were tear stained, she'd obviously cried the whole way here. Pete noticed her arrival and immediately stood up and engulfed her in a hug. Tyler let go of Josh's hand and immediately rushed to find a nurse, eager to see what was going on. 

The doctor soon joined them and introduced himself to Mrs. Stumph. He tried to get all the boys to go away so he could talk with her privately, but they wouldn't budge so he gave up and just started talking. "Hello, you must be Mrs. Stumph. I'm Dr. Siskind" Mrs. Stumph shook his hand and then eagerly awaited to hear what was happening. He explained all the parts he told the guys and then he went on to the diagnosis and treatment. "It seems that Patrick is suffering from Anorexia Nervosa and judging form the ulcers I can see in his throat and stomach, he most likely has Bulimia Nervosa as well" Tyler's fears were right.

 It didn't really make sense. He really seemed fine this morning but then again, it did explain why Patrick was skinny and had no muscle. He was pretty much skin and bone, he just covered it well with t-shirts and jeans. He was mentally slapping himself for not realizing anything this morning. Patrick said he was eating, he hadn't, Tyler had figured that out by now,but it made sense why there weren't any dishes or food to be seen in the kitchen when he said hi to Mrs. Stumph. He was also now realizing he had never really seen Patrick eat, just drink water. When they went out to eat, Patrick either didn't eat and if he did it was always very little and he always went to the bathroom right after eating. Tyler was crying now, so was Ryan and of course Pete, naturally. Tyler was already an emotional person and he was having a hard time holding anything back. He could only imagine all the pain Patrick was putting himself through when he really didn't need to. Patrick was perfect the way he was. Tyler knows how it feels to hide all his feelings and doubts and self-hatred and it was fucking awful. Tyler didn't want to think about someone as bright and nice as Patrick having to go through that. 

"For now he is on an IV and is being given medicine to cure the ulcers but because of the severity of his Ketosis and said ulcers, I want to keep him here for at least a four days. And, since this young man," He motioned to Pete. "Has informed me that this has happened before, I want him to be moved to inpatient therapy for at least three weeks, if he makes progress and gains weight then maybe he can go back to school and continue outpatient therapy. I am concerned that he may be suffering clinical depression as a result of the eating disorders" The doctor concluded. 

Tyler's heart fucking dropped out of his chest once he heard the words inpatient and depression. He had to go to inpatient therapy when he was in eighth grade. Luckily he was home schooled so people didn't really know or start rumors. But inpatient was still hell, even if it helped for the first couple of months after he was discharged. The whole process of his parents finding out he was actively suicidal and being evaluated and admitted by his parents and therapist was one of the worst things he had ever been through. He was pained at the memories, tears still silently sliding down his cheeks. 

Mrs. Stumph nodded quietly, she was crying again, and asked a few questions. After this she followed the doctor to sign some things and got everything situated for Patrick's further treatment. Pete was a fucking mess, Ryan was still crying, clutching onto Brendon, who looked silently and sadly at the floor beneath him. 

"Inpatient?" Joe said quietly. "I-I don't want to not be able to see him for a month. He's our best friend" He then covered his face, not really crying but Tyler could see he was hurting. Andy nodded somberly and continued to hug Pete and rub his back. Tyler leaned further into Josh, who was sniffling and trying not to cry. 

It was really fucking sad to have to think about not seeing Patrick for a whole month, missing him at school and whenever they hung out. Everyone knew that was what was best for him. He really needed the help and everyone knew that after two years, this was a really bad relapse. It had to be done no matter how painful.

After an hour of standing around comforting each other it was nearly one in the morning. Dr. Siskind told them that they would have to go but he promised they would be able first thing tomorrow more if Patrick was awake and up to it. Pete refused to leave and choose to stay behind for the night with Mrs. Stumph. The doctor reluctantly allowed it because he clearly felt heart broken for the mother and friend (boyfriend? the doctor couldn't tell). 

They all gave their love and best wishes to Pete and especially Mrs. Stumph. She hugged them all goodbye and thanked them all for being there for her son when she couldn't. That part really broke Tyler's heart, reminding of his own Mother three years ago. 

Afterwards, everyone gave one last longing look towards Patrick's door and went home. Josh dropped Tyler off at his house, as much as he wanted to stay with Josh he really needed some alone time and his Mom was probably wondering why he wasn't home yet. They kissed goodbye and Tyler told him he'd see him at the hospital since Ryan and Brendon said they'd stop and pick him up on their way in the morning.

Tyler filled his Mom in on what happened she was shocked and sad, she had met Patrick a few times and knew that he was a good kid, probably her favorite out of all of Tyler's friends. She obviously excused Tyler for getting home so late and not contacting her. 

Tyler laid in his bed but found it impossible to fall asleep. He tossed and turned but he couldn't stop thinking about Mrs. Stumph and Pete sitting in the hallway on the uncomfortable chairs. Both feverishly waiting for Patrick to wake up, wondering how they both had let something like this slip

But mostly he sat there thinking about Patrick fast asleep in the hospital bed, his body desperately fighting to keep itself alive. He was wondering how Patrick could have done this to himself, even though Tyler understood it. He knew that a lot of self-hatred and doubt led him to doing something so stupid, Tyler knew all about that. But he still couldn't fathom him doing it, doing something so self-detrimental and harmful to his own body. As he sat there thinking a light when off in his brain and he had an idea.

He stood up from his bed and fumbled around in the dark for his desk lamp. He sat down and pulled out his blackbook, grabbed a charcoal pencil and began frantically writing lyrics...

_"I'm trying to sleep, but I can't when you have guns for hands..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's where Tyler got the idea for Guns For Hands...
> 
> I'm sorry that this is sad. It'll be happy soon! I just think that writing (even if it's fanfiction) is really cathartic for me. And being able to have a place to do that and put it into some story and make a character feel what I feel, whether it be Pete or Patrick or Tyler, really helps me personally. I've never been hospitalized but I have had a few scares where I didn't really eat for like 3 days (this is when ketosis begins) and I almost passed out after not eating and working out and going to basketball practice and exhausting myself. No body knows that.... anyway, I don't mean for this to be call for concern (I'm getting better! I'm starting to diet properly) 
> 
> but I just wanted to share this with everyone so if you actually read this, thanks for letting me tell you bout it. that type of thing helps me.
> 
> If you ever need help or wanna talk my tumblr is prettyvacan1 (same as it is here) feel free to message me. It may seem weird but people on tumblr have saved my life and I really care about everyone and don't want anyone to have to go through this so really if your suicidal or have an eating disorder or just want to talk just message me!! 
> 
> okay this is getting long I will go now. thanks so so so much for reading. i love you


	15. emo is over, you can all go home now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO MORE SAD AND SOME JOSHLER. FIGHT ME

Tyler, Ryan, and Brendon, met Josh in the southwest entrance of the hospital. Then they proceeded back to Patrick's room. It was around 9 in the morning, visiting hours had just started. When they got to the room Andy and Joe were already there, seemingly a lot happier than last night. The overall mood was a lot better than it had been a few hours ago. Everyone had stopped mourning something that never even died. Now it was time to make sure Patrick knew they cared, give him a little tough love. Dr. Siskind informed them that they would probably only get to see Patrick two more times in the next month because he was going to inpatient therapy in two days.

Pete looked like shit, his lack of sleep from insomnia and then not even getting a wink the night before adding up. He had dark bags under his eyes from not sleeping and his eyeliner smeared from crying. But besides that, he was smiling and talking with Mrs. Stumph.

"Hey guys" Andy said after taking a long sip of coffee. "Patrick is awake, he was talking with the doctor but then needed a bit before he's ready to see us. Tyler looked to the windows of Patrick's room. The both the curtains and windows were closed but he could see that the lights were on inside. 

"So on a scale of one to ten, how mad was your mom at you last night?" Josh asked, a smirk on his lips. Ryan started laughing at them and Tyler blushed and shoved Josh a little. 

"10,000,000. She did that thing where she sat in the living room waiting for me. But then I told what was happening and she felt really bad. She really likes Patrick" Tyler said. 

"Well, that's good. At least you aren't grounded for a week like last time" He said, Ryan and Brendon laughing at him because he still gets grounded and they, for some unknown reason, don't. 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the window from inside Patrick's room, which must have been his way of telling them they could come in. Pete sky-rocketed out of the chair he was sitting in and rushed into the room. The rest of them followed in behind him cautiously. Patrick was just getting back in bed when they walked in, legs sticking out from the blankets and now that Tyler could see them with out long pants covering them, and yeah, he was pretty fucking skinny. 

Pete walked over and hugged him tightly. "I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm so sorry. I should've known. I didn't see..." He got a little choked up there and took a step back to lean in to kiss Patrick on the cheek over and over. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay? How do you feel?" 

"Pete... you're embarrassing me" Patrick whispered, blush creeping across his cheeks. Pete took a another step back and but still grabbed Patrick's hand, like he _needed_ to be touching Patrick to make sure he was still there. "Um... I'm okay, I guess. Kind of embarrassed, honestly" Patrick finally looked around the room at all of his friends. He smiled appreciatively and took a deep breath before continuing. "I-I'm sorry. For scaring all of you... I just... I didn't mean too pass out" They all smiled at this, that was such a Patrick-esque thing to say. 

"Of course you didn't _mean_ to Trick!" Joe exclaimed. "It's okay, really. It's not your fault. Well," He paused for a second. "I mean it was..." Andy slapped Joe's arm. "That's not what I meant!" He shouted, trying to back himself up. He didn't know _how_ to go about this but he knew he needed to say something, Patrick was one of his best friends, obviously. "It's just, Patrick, you've gotta take care of yourself man. All of us know you didn't need to do that. I know that's not what you think. It's just... if not for yourself... Then maybe for us? You gave us quite a fucking scare" They all nodded, Patrick pulled his knees up to his chest and sighing deeply. 

"What he _means,_ " Brendon cut in, trying to make up for what Joe was going on about. "Is that we all love you a lot. We always will, no matter what you look like or do. We'll love you. Joe is right, it was really fucking scary to have to be in the back of the crowd and see you go down and..." He trailed off sadly, like recalling it was a painful memory. 

Josh picked up where he left off, "And then getting here last night and waiting too see the doctor, not knowing what happened, even if we all kind of _knew_ " The rest of them nodded, avoiding looking at Patrick, who had started crying. Pete was now sitting on the side of the bed, rubbing his back. "And your Mom came, she's outside, by the way. She was nice enough to let us talk to you first. Anyway, and you're Mom got here and we know that your Dad is probably broken up about this too. And Pete stayed here all night waiting to see you and we had to go and it was awful, knowing you hadn't woken up and now knowing what you had done to yourself" Josh rambled, he knew he was getting a little harsh at this point. He didn't meant too but it was important they weren't too soft with Patrick. He needed to understand it fucking affected the other seven of them too, it didn't just have to do with him. Tough love, right?

"Look, like Joe said, we'll always love you. We didn't like seeing this and waiting and not knowing. We're not trying to beat you up. I know where your coming from" Tyler said quietly. "And you can't just trap yourself in a box and think what is going on in your head doesn't matter to others. You can't think if you hurt yourself or do something stupid, that we won't care"

Patrick nodded and wiped his eyes. "I-I know. I know. I see that now. I can't thank you all enough for being here so late and coming back so early. I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you guys. I just... I just couldn't do it anymore... Seeing myself in the mirror and not liking it and then I couldn't _stop_. I'm obsessed with it , addicted" Pete wrapped his arms around him and held him closer, Patrick melted into the touch. "And I really wanna stop. I do. For me and... and you guys too. I wish I could just go home right now with you right now and we could go to Josh's and hang out and sing like we did on Friday" Patrick said. Josh smiled sadly, pitying Patrick. "But I can't. I have to stay here for a month and be analysed and picked apart but I know it's good for me. It's just gonna be really hard. 

Tyler shifted his weight uncomfortably where he was standing. Should he say something about inpatient? He wanted too but... was he ready to share that with all of the other guys? Everyone stood there quietly for a minute. _Screw it._ Tyler thought. _Everything's out on the table now and a lot of them have these kind of problems too. They'll understand. Better say something._

"It _is_  gonna be really hard Patrick. I'm not trying to scare you or anything. I'm being honest. But you'll be so glad you did it. I had to do inpatient therapy for a whole summer before freshman year. I did something really stupid" Tyler choked out. Josh turned to look at him, concern in his eyes and an eyebrow cocked. Everyone else looked at him, full of interest. They knew that this was something that was important yet hard for Tyler to suddenly speak about. Tyler felt awkward with everyone's gaze on him, so he ignored it and looked directly at Patrick.  "It  sucked being cooped up in the hospital but I needed it and I promise that it'll be worth it, especially if you want to get better" 

"We'll come and see you every single chance we are allowed Patrick" Ryan chimed in. "We're gonna miss you too!" 

Patrick smiled, the hard parts of the conversation seemingly over. "You fucking better" Everyone laughed, glad that Patrick got the message and wasn't in a bad mood. 

The guys got to sit around and talk for a little while before Pete kicked them out so they could talk alone. Mrs. Stumph also wanted to talk to Patrick before he had to meet with the therapist for the first time. Everyone hugged Patrick goodbye and went their separate ways, promising to come see him in two weeks since that's the soonest Dr. Siskind would allow it. 

"Kind of sucks we won't see him for half a month" Josh said as they walked to the car, kicking stones as he did so. 

"Yeah, but it'll be worth it when we see him back at it and healthy again" Tyler said, swinging his and Josh's hands between them as they walked. Josh just hummed in response and they were both quiet until they got to the car. "Wanna come over and play Mario Kart?" Tyler asked, in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

"Yeah, only if you're prepared for me to kick your ass" Josh said playfully. 

"Who won, every game last time?" Tyler asked jokingly. "Oh yeah! That was me" 

"I let you win" Josh said while trying to hid a blush. He knew it was actually because had a gigantic fucking crush on Tyler and he couldn't focus. 

"You wish, Jishwa. You wish" Tyler said, as the headed back to his house, hopefully to forget about the past twelve hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dude i fucking updated this three days in a row. that's a record holy shit. thanks for reading this, I promise more joshler will come soon! also they'll finally present that project that they had the first quarter of second semester to work on. lololol at myself forgetting the entire plot of this fucking story.


	16. Blurryface makes a brief return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blurryface should be in italics, Tyler's thought are bold italics. 
> 
> I didn't proofread bc I'm in a rush to finally update. Hopefully if should be okay. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING : some depictions of self harm

"You're cheating, you have to be cheating" Tyler said defeated-ly as he threw his controller on the floor and his character came in second to Josh for the fifteen thousandth time.

"No, Tyjo. I'm just that good, I told you I let you win last time" Josh said with a smirk. Tyler groaned and fell back onto Josh's bed. Josh followed suit and layed down next to his boyfriend.

"It's been a crazy week" Tyler said quietly, reaching out to grab Josh's hand. "I'm glad Patrick is going to be okay"

"Yeah, it's been hectic. I'm glad too. I hope Pete's gonna be okay. This must've been awful for him" Josh said sympathetically as he rubbed his thumb over Tyler's knuckles. Tyler sighed in agreement and rolled over to tuck himself into Josh's side, his head placed in the crook of the red head's neck.

For a while they both sat there listening to each other's breathing. Tyler felt calm for the first time in the last two weeks. "Hey Tyler," Josh whispered. Tyler hummed in response. "Is anyone home?" Tyler shook his head, his hair brushing against Josh's forehead. "Okay" Tyler said through a smile 

Suddenly Josh straddling Tyler's hips and was kissing him. Tyler groaned in surprise but quickly started kissing Josh back. Tyler moaned quietly as Josh bit down on his lip and pushed his tongue into his mouth.

Josh ground his hips down into Tyler's, eliciting a moan from the red head. "Ty" Josh moaned. "Ty, do you wanna..." He trailed off, hoping Tyler would get the point.

"Yeah, frick yeah" Tyler said, sliding down a bit to begin kissing Josh's neck. He licked down to his collar bone and bit down and began sucking, hoping to leave a mark to look at later. "Have you ever? With a guy?" Tyler breathed awkwardly between kisses and bites.

"Y-Yeah" Josh said as his hips twitched in hope of getting some friction. "You?"

"No, never" Tyler said blushing as if it was possible for his face to get any redder. "You're the first guy I've ever done anything with"

"Ty, I'm gonna treat you so good baby" He whispered as he rolled his hips against Tyler's, moaning as he felt his erection rub against his. Then Josh was pulling both of their shirt off and quickly began to kiss Tyler's neck.

Josh reached for Tyler's waist band and all of the sudden Tyler was panicking and Blurry was bothering him again. _It was inevitable, really Tyler, he was going to find out and stop loving you at some point._ He sat bolt upright as Blurryface took over his thoughts, he accidentally knocked Josh back a bit and startled him. Was he ready for Josh to know about all of his problems? What if Blurry was right, it felt like Blurryface was always right. Tyler wasn't sure how he would deal with Josh breaking up with him. But if he went on with this then that was it, Josh would have to know.

"Joshua I-" Tyler said as he frantically grabbed Josh's wrist to stop him. _Now your just making a fool of yourself Tyler, just show him already, you didn't deserve his love anyway._ Josh pullued back immediately and looked into his boyfriends eyes with concern.

"What's wrong Ty? Are you having seconds thoughts? We don't have to do anything don't worry" Josh said reassuringly.

"No, no I want to. Of course I want to. It's just that..." He paused for a moment unsure of how to phrase it when suddenly Blurry was speaking up again, _Spit it out Tyler._ "I have problems and I know it's bad that I do this but I can't help myself okay? It's fine, really. I just have to do it. Do you see the lines on my stomach? Maybe not but I used to do it there too but I stopped and they faded. I just hope you won't think I'm weird or hate me I just-" Tyler rambled on, his brain throwing up word after word. You didn't even tell him what It is Tyler do you really expect him t- and then Josh just shushed him and hugged him tightly, stunning Blurry into silence completely.

"Tyler, it's okay. I know what you're talking about, it's okay. Of course I wish you hadn't done that, you don't deserve to feel badly enough to feel that you have to do that, but it's okay. Something like that would never make me stop loving you. I want to help you. You can always come to me, Tyler" Josh said sincerely as he hugged Tyler tightly. He felt sort of heart broken. It wasn't tragically beautiful, it wasn't romantic like any fanfiction he's read, it was just sad and heartbreaking. Josh had a feeling Tyler had self harmed before, the scars on his stomach may have been faint but they were still there.

"Thank you for understanding" _I bet he's lying_ **_Shut up Blurry_** "Just don't be... surprised when you get my jeans off. It might be... alarming" Tyler said quietly. He pulled back from the hug and slowly began to kiss Josh again. Josh kissed back with passion and eventually moved his hand back to the waistband of Tyler's jeans. Tyler forced himself to just let it happen and moved to kiss Josh's neck.

Josh pulled back and pushed Tyler onto his back as he lifted himself onto his knees to pull Tyler's jeans and boxers completely off. Tyler turned his head to the side, willing Blurryface to just _**Shut the frick up already, you're wrong! For once in our life you're wrong you're wrong you're wrong you're wrong.**_ _Not quite yet, wait until he sees how bad it is, wait until he sees the masterpiece we made._ He closed his eyes too so he wouldn't have to see Josh's reaction.

Josh gasped as quietly as possible so as not to make Tyler worried, but he couldn't help himself. Yeah, it was bad, worse than he thought. His right thigh was littered with scars, some dark, some nearly faded, and others fresh, like they couldn't have been very old. He felt inclined to kiss them, but that was cliche and the sight of all the scars made him feel broken for Tyler.

So instead, he tried his best to ignore it and instead payed attention to Tyler's cock. Tyler continued to look away, ( _Did you hear that? That gasp? He saw it, he probably thinks your disgusting)_ his head falling to the side again, as Josh suddenly licked up the shaft of Tyler's dick. That shut Blurry up for good. Tyler inhaled sharply and let out a breathless laugh of relief.

Josh smiled slightly and then pulled the tip of Tyler's cock into his mouth. He began to suck lightly and Tyler moaned quietly and arched his back as Josh took his cock into his mouth further and further. Josh bobbed his head slightly and Tyler absent mindedly threaded his fingers into Josh's red hair. Josh reached down and began to rub his erection through his jeans, grinding his hips slightly.

Josh pulled off for a second but to touch Tyler with his hand. "Ty, baby, can I fuck you?" Josh said, confidence he didn't usually have radiating through his voice.

"Y-yeah, frick, please" Tyler said as his hips bucked to meet in time with Josh's hands. Josh pulled his hand away, leaving Tyler lifting his hips into a grip that didn't exist. Tyler whimpered.

"Okay, this part might hurt. I don't know if you've done it to yourself before, but it might hurt" Josh said calmly as a blush spread across Tyler's cheeks and chest at his words. "Oh do you have any.... You know" Josh said awkwardly.

"Yeah... I uh, I had a feeling we would need it eventually. Top bedside table drawer on the left" Tyler said awkwardly, voice slightly broken. Josh hummed and winced as his own throbbing cock brushed against his zipper as he leaned over to grab the small bottle of lube. He squeezed a little onto his fingers and slowly inserted one digit into Tyler's hole. He waited a second when his knuckle hit Tyler's entrance. That's not so bad, Tyler thought to himself. But then Josh started moving his hand and **_Oh_** , Tyler gets what Josh meant now. But after a moment of uncomfortable stretching Tyler became a moaning mess and Josh was pushing in two fingers and then three.

Josh suddenly pulled his finger out, earning him another whimper from Tyler. Josh whipped his hand off on the sheet and began to fumble embarrassingly with the belt of his jeans. Tyler laughed softly at the sight of his boyfriend so excited. Josh was finally able to pull his jeans off in addition to his boxers. Tyler just smirked at the sight of Josh's cock, it wasn't anything he hadn't seen before. Josh grabbed a conform from the same drawer the lube came from and did he best to slide it on with out embarrassing himself.

He angled himself on his knees with Tyler on his back in front of him. "This will hurt. I'm sorry in advance, but it will. I'll go slow, just left me know when you're ready" Josh said lovingly, leaning down to kiss Tyler. Tyler looked Josh in the eyes and shook his head. Josh smiled and looked down as he slowly pushed into Tyler.

"O-h" Tyler said, his voice breaking because holy crap this was 10 times worse than the fingers, wow. Josh did his best to go as slow as possible but the warmth and tightness of Tyler around his previously neglected cock felt amazing.

Once Josh's hips met Tyler's he stopped and gave Tyler a moment to adjust. He could tell Tyler was in pain and he felt bad, really, he knew exactly how Tyler felt but he knew that the pain would pay off in the end. After a few moment of Josh whispering sweet nothings to Tyler to calm him down, the brunet gave him the okay and he began to move slowly.

Tyler continued to wince but tried his best to keep his whimpering to a minimum. Josh moaned loudly as he thruster in and it of Tyler. "You're doing so good baby, I'm sorry I know it hurts but give me a minute it will be okay, I promise" Tyler just shook his head and tried to convince himself that Josh was right.

Then out of nowhere Josh move his hips slightly and Tyler moaned loudly. There it is, Josh thought. "Josh, do that again" Tyler said through a high pitched moan. Josh obeyed Tyler and continued to hit that spot and began thrusting faster and fast.

"Tyler, fuck, I'm gonna cum" Josh said quickly, he moaned loudly and came in a rush of Tyler, Tyler, Tyler.

"Josh I'm almost, don't stop please" Tyler arched his back and pushed closer so he could feel as much as Josh as possible. Josh continued to thrust into Tyler even though the over stimulation kind of hurt. The red head let go of one of Tyler's hips and grabbed Tyler's cock and began to stroke it until Tyler came in a mess of groans and whispered 'frick's.

Tyler and Josh both winced as Josh pulled out of Tyler. Josh tied off the condom and threw it away.

After they cleaned up and out on clean boxers they snuggled into Tyler's bed and promptly fell asleep.

|-/

"Tyler!!" Tyler and Josh both woke with a start and winced as the sunlight pouring through the blinds hit them. Tyler jumped out of bed and was down the stairs in a millisecond.

"Yes, Mom?" Tyler said cautiously, worried that she might be mad for some unknown reason. Suddenly he remember the scars on his leg and quickly reached down to pull his boxers down to make sure his upper thighs were completely covered.

"How was your night last night?" His mom asked as she brought her coffee cup to her lips.

"Uh-" everything came rushing back to Tyler, the mix of emotions and Blurryface, and the losing his virginity to Josh. But then it came rushing back to him that he was Straight™ and definitely totally didn't have a boyfriend when it came to his family. Not that he would tell his mom any of that but... still. "It was uh good. How was dinner?"

"It was very nice, you know your little siblings, they love to see your grandmother" She said sweetly.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't go, it's been a weird couple of weeks-" Tyler said, cutting himself off at the sound of Josh coming down the stairs. He was miraculously dressed and looking like he hadn't jumped out of Tyler's arms a minute ago.

"Hi Mrs. Joseph! How are you this morning?" Josh said with his best 'look I'm such a good Christian boy' voice.

"Well hello Joshua! I'm great, I didn't know you spent the night last night" She said, giving a Tyler a slight side eye.

"Yeah, Tyler and I were playing Mario kart and just uh, lost track of time. But I'll get out of your hair now. I think my Mom needs me home" Josh said and then walked over to Mrs. Joseph to hug her goodbye, he expertly avoided Tyler and gave him a simple goodbye and told him he's text him later about that project that was going to be due real soon.

"Josh is such a nice boy! But I wish you would have told me he was spending the night..." His mom said sternly.

"Oh I'm sorry Mom, it was an accident. We just fell asleep playing games and so I didn't text you" He replied quickly, in hopes of reassuring his mother.

"Okay, well please don't do it again, or else there will be consequences"

"Okay I promise. I won't" Tyler said and then turned on his heal and went back upstairs.

He picked up his phone and saw a few texts from Josh.

_9:07 - Jish: sorry I had to dip, you know how your mom gets. And I didn't tell mine I was spending the night._

_9:08 - Jish: but we really do need to work on the project. We literally haven't worked on it because you had lyrics written but it's due soon and we gotta figure out a special way to present it_

_9:08 am - Jish: let's meet tomorrow? We can do our other homework too, you can come over to mine_

_9:09 am - Jish: oh, and I love you sorry I didn't kiss you goodbye but I know you understand. Thanks for an amazing night_

"I love you too Josh"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY FUCKING SHIT I HAVENT UPDATED IN 7 MONTHS. 
> 
> I'm so sorry, but think of it this way, I haven't updated my other long fix in 15 MONTHS so I'm trying okay!! I wrote this and rewrote it and rewrote it so many times. And I'm still not 100% happy. I just hate writing smut but I needed this to happen. I hope it's not too awkward, I'm demisexual so this really isn't my thing. I tried not to romanticize Tyler's self harm my hardest so I hope it was okay. Also, as the seasons change my depression is getting fucked with real hard but I'm trying to push through and distract myself by writing. So I really hope I can have something up again soo, but no promises. 
> 
> MOST IMPORTANTLY: THANKS SO SO SO MUCH FOR STIL LREADING AFTER ALL THIS TIME I LVOE YOU AND APPRECISTE YOU AND YOURE THE REASON I KEPT WRITING. Please comment if you liked it, it seriously means so much to me.


	17. Dark Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mentions of cutting and triggering dark thoughts

Here's the thing about the internet and media: it's full of lies. That's what Tyler was learning as he grew up. Movies, TV shows, books, the internet- all of it was full of misinformation and stories that were fabricated to make people feel good.  

What had Tyler particularly upset was the idea that having a boyfriend automatically made you happier and fixed all your problems. That seemed to be a common troupe in fanfiction and TV Shows. And he had an amazing boyfriend, yet here he is, sitting in the bathtub with a blade in between his fingers. 

He thought having someone who loved him was supposed to fix this, he thought he was supposed feel better. But he only felt worse, because he knew Josh didn't want him doing this or feeling like this. But he was and he did. 

Sometimes he didn't even get as far as using the blade. Sometimes he just sat there and stared at it for twenty minutes straight, flipping and turning it back and forth between his fingers. One time he spent an hour staring at his own unfamiliar reflection in the mirror with the blade in his hand before he just felt exhausted and went right bed, leaving the blade discarded on the counter. Then the next day Pete came over and saw the box cutter blade on the counter. He picked it up and called to Tyler in the other room, "Hey Tyler, there's a blade in here? Should I be concerned?" He sounded like he was half joking and half freaked out.

Tyler stopped what he was doing and snapped his head up, he laughed awkwardly "Haha, oh no, it's just from an uhhhh, an art project. Yep, a scratch board, we didn't have any xacto knives" 

"Oh, alright man" Pete said and set the blade back down where he found it. Tyler never left any blades lying around after that. 

Yeah, it wasn't his fondest memory. 

Today didn't seem like it was going to be one of those days, though. He just felt so terrible. About everything. The fact that he existed, the fact that he even had a boyfriend, the fact that he hurt Jenna and probably Alex and his basketball friends, the general fact that he could get so upset that he could hurt himself. He just felt like such a burden. And that was so cliche, and he knew it. So maybe his life was like a shitty movie. But it seemed like he never got to experience the good parts, or the happy ending. 

He had a good life, he knew that. His family wasn't extremely poor, he went to a good, catholic school, he had a great, supportive group of friends, and an amazing boyfriend. So why did he feel so upset? The fact that he could be so depressed when he in reality had no reason made him feel even worse. There were people who had lives that were way, way worse than his and made it out alive but it felt like he wasn't gonna make it out alive even though he had a great life. 

So he was in a never ending cycle of: I have a boyfriend I should be fixed, I am capable of hurting others, I'm capable of hurting myself, I'm a burden, I have an amazing life why am I so ungrateful, I have a boy-. Etc, etc. And he was drowning from it. And he couldn't bare to burden his friends or his boyfriend with that fact. Not when Patrick was in the hospital, sick with an ED no one had caught onto. Tyler was a walking red flag, just like Patrick had been. Telling his friends that they had been missing all the signs they did with Patrick would break them. And he couldn't stand to see that happen again.

So he just continued to fall into the same cycle. Cut, wait for it to heal, cut again a week later. It was becoming a real issue, an addiction. He really needed the release from it but he knew it was so wrong of him to be doing and he knew that one day his scars would catch up to him and someone would see. But he tried so hard to keep it hidden. He didn't change in front of his friends, his AAU basketball team, he avoid sex with Josh. He felt terrible for doing it but at the same time it distracted him from feeling terrible. 

What really didn't help that blurry was feeding him ideas and putting terrible thoughts in his head. Even if the other half of him hadn't been blatantly talking to him like he used to, Tyler knew a lot of these thought were stemming from his suppressed personality. But he was too weak to deny those thoughts, so he let them in until he believed them and let them help feed his addiction. He was too weak to fight.

So for now, he had to stay in that cycle of hurting himself and hiding it. It was keeping him alive, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this wasn't the update you were expecting. But I was working on a klance au one shot im working on and remembers I started this. I had planned for there to be awhile second half to the chapter about the project and stuff so I could move towards finishing this up. But instead I just finished it as it was and I'll put that into another chapter bc I hope posting this will inspire me to post another part soon. Sorry I haven't posted in MONTHS the IB programme is kicking my ass. But thank you for still reading. I hope this fills the void and doesn't depress you too much, as I've said this is carthatic for me. So thank you for allowing me to have an outlet. 
> 
>  
> 
> Your comments and kudos are what keep me going. So if you enjoy this fic for some reason please kudos and drop a comment. 
> 
> Love you all, please stay alive.


	18. late night

Here's the thing about the internet and media: it's full of lies. That's what Tyler was learning as he grew up. Movies, TV shows, books, the internet- all of it was full of misinformation and stories that were fabricated to make people feel good. 

What had Tyler particularly upset was the idea that having a boyfriend automatically made you happier and fixed all your problems. That seemed to be a common troupe in fanfiction and TV Shows. And he has an amazing boyfriend, yet here he is, sitting in the bathtub with a blade in between his fingers. 

He thought having someone who loved him was supposed to fix this, he thought he was supposed feel better. But he only felt worse, because he knew Josh didn't want him doing this or feeling like this. But he was and he did. 

Sometimes he didn't even get as far as using the blade. Sometimes he just sat there and stared at it for twenty minutes straight, flipping and turning it back and forth between his fingers. One time he spent an hour staring at his own unfamiliar reflection in the mirror with the blade in his hand before he just felt exhausted and went right bed, leaving the blade discarded on the counter. Then the next day Pete came over and saw the box cutter blade on the counter. He picked it up and called to Tyler in the other room, "Hey Tyler, there's a blade in here? Should I be concerned?" He sounded like he was half joking and half serious.

Tyler stopped what he was doing and snapped his head up, he laughed awkwardly "Haha, oh no, it's just from an uhhhh, an art project. Yep, a scratch board, we didn't have any xacto knives" 

"Oh, alright man" Pete said and set the blade back down where he found it. Tyler never left any blades lying around after that. 

Yeah, it wasn't his fondest memory. 

Today didn't seem like it was going to be one of those days, though. He just felt so terrible. About everything. The fact that he existed, the fact that he even had a boyfriend, the fact that he hurt Jenna and probably Alex and his basketball friends, the general fact that he could get so upset that he could hurt himself. He just felt like such a burden. And that was so cliche, and he knew it. So maybe his life was like a shitty movie. But it seemed like he never got to experience the good parts, or the happy ending. 

He had a good life, he knew that. His family wasn't extremely poor, he went to a good, catholic school, he had a great, supportive group of friends, and an amazing boyfriend. So why did he feel so upset? The fact that he could be so depressed when in reality he had no reason to be made him feel even worse. There were people who had lives that were way, way worse than his and made it out alive but it felt like he wasn't gonna make it out alive even though he was incredibly blessed.

So, he was in a never ending cycle of: I have a boyfriend I should be fixed, I am capable of hurting others, I'm capable of hurting myself, I'm a burden, I have an amazing life why am I so ungrateful, I have a boy-. Etc, etc. And he was drowning from it. And he couldn't bare to burden his friends or his boyfriend with that fact. Not when Patrick was in the hospital, sick with an ED no one had caught onto. Tyler was a walking red flag, just like Patrick had been. Telling his friends that they had been missing all the signs they had with Patrick would break them. And he couldn't stand to see that happen again.

So he just continued to fall into the same cycle. Cut, wait for it to heal, cut again a week later. It was becoming a real issue, an addiction. He really needed the release from it but he knew it was so wrong of him to be doing and he knew that one day his scars would catch up to him and someone would see. But he tried so hard to keep it hidden. He didn't change in front of his friends, his AAU basketball team, he avoided sex with Josh. He felt terrible for doing it but at the same time it distracted him from feeling terrible. 

What really didn't help that blurry was feeding him ideas and putting terrible thoughts in his head. Even if the other half of him hadn't been blatantly talking to him like he used to, Tyler knew a lot of these thoughts were stemming from his suppressed personality. But he was too weak to deny those thoughts, so he let them in until he believed them and let them help feed his addiction. He was too weak to fight.

So for now, he had to stay in that cycle of hurting himself and hiding it. It was keeping him alive, for now.

When Tyler was finished for the night and got too tired of thinking and his thighs were aching, he washed the blood off and cleaned the tub. He walked into his room that was attached to the bathroom and climbed into bed. He winced as his unbandaged leg made contact with his sheets and hissed as he turned until his upper thigh no longer made contact with his bed.

He stared at the ceiling, hoping he'd fall asleep soon, though it was unlikely. He groaned aloud when he realized he and Josh were presenting their poem tomorrow in Poetry class. They had finished it the weekend prior with ease, since Tyler had a notebook full of poetry he wrote when he was upset. They decided to go with the same one that Tyler had shown Josh the first day they hung out in the garage turned clique hang out spot. Tyler smiled sadly as he remembered how bad his anxiety was that day. He remembered Blurry whispering all those terrible things that made him so worried as he met all of Josh's friends for the first time. If you told Tyler then that all of those guys would be like his second family and that Josh would end up becoming his fucking boyfriend in such a short amount of time, Tyler would have never believed it. 

But now, it seemed plausible. The clique really was like his family and he loved Josh with his whole heart. He really hoped they would stay friends forever. But all that mushy stuff didn't change the fact that Tyler still had anxiety, even if they made it a lot easier to cope with. So Tyler, naturally, was incredibly nervous at the thought of presenting something so personal in front of the whole class tomorrow. 

Josh, the perfect boyfriend he was, offered to read most of it so Tyler's stutter wouldn't embarrass him too badly in front of the class. However, the teacher said he still had to read at least one stanza, even if Tyler practically wrote the whole thing and Josh reading it was supposed to be his part of the project. 

The bright side was that tomorrow was Friday and Josh and Pete had a big soccer game and then on Saturday Fall Out Boy was playing a local party so he would get to hang out with the Clique on both days. The hospital was even letting Patrick out to sing on Saturday because he was doing so much better and it was like a little reward for all the progress he made. 

The fact that Patrick has gained some weight and was getting out soon made Tyler genuinely smile. He tried really hard to focus on that and the weekend ahead instead of his presentation tomorrow. He ignored the fact that deep down he maybe sort of really really wanted to be dead, or at least that's how Blurry said he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be within the hour!! Just needed to split this up because I don't want it to be in the same chapter. Pls say nice things to me or leave a kudos if you like it! They fill my ego and give me a reason to live thanks. 
> 
> ALSO PLS FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR: uberhaxor-hd
> 
> I post a lot about rooster Teeth and cow chop but sometimes Tøp too! You can Message me there too!


	19. game day and night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I know this is a few hours later than promised but I shit you not in those few hours between posting last part and now I developed a middle ear infection that hurt like a bitch so I had to rush to the medic station at my hotel :). But like with my track record at least it was hours and not months later than promised.

The next morning Tyler wakes up a few minutes before his alarm. The immediate onset of anxiety for the day ahead keeps him from closing his eyes again for those few extra minutes of sleep. 

Instead of forcing himself to lay in bed and try to sleep he gets up and goes into the bathroom. In the mirror he sees that his boxers have ridden up so the damage done the night prior is visible. The cuts had continued to bleed into the night because he never bandaged them and there was dried blood coating each mark. 

He silently washed it off and continued to get ready, pretending to ignore that his hands were shaking ever so slightly and that Blurry wasn't being so quiet any more. He opts for a a black floral button up and the black skinny jeans Josh gave him in hopes that he'll look slightly presentable for his presentation. He spends a few extra minutes making sure his hair looks okay and then he's off to school. At this rate he'll be there quite a bit early but at least that means he'll have time to sit in his car and collect himself. 

By the time Tyler gets to school he's trying to keep his left knee from involuntarily bouncing and shaking his whole car. He parks and quietly sits there taking deep breaths and reminding himself it's literally just a few lines of poetry, not the end of the world. This was getting out of hand, he really shouldn't be that worried about presenting in front of his classmates. But he knew he was going to stutter and reading his poetry out loud was like putting his heart and brain out on the table for everyone to see and judge. And what if there was something in his teeth or on his face and people laughed at him? What if he accidentally said the wrong thing? What if people thought his poetry was bad and what he was trying to saw was stupid? 

Tyler was really about to start hyper ventilating when all of the sudden there was a knock on the window, subsequently scaring the shit out of Tyler and causing him to jump. He looked over and saw Josh standing there, a smile bright on his face and a Starbucks in his hand. Tyler laughed, a bit of weight easily lifted off his shoulders just from seeing Josh.

"Hey Josh" Tyler said as he climbed out of his car. 

"Hey Ty, I brought you some coffee. I knew you'd be here early to freak out. So I hope this will help" Josh smiled sincerely and handed his boyfriend the cup. 

"Oh wow thank you. I really am freaking out. What if it goes terribly wrong and people laugh at us? Or at me?" Tyler was about to ramble on about every thing that could possibly go wrong, the list was currently at 15,265 disasters that could occur during the presentation and oh boy, Tyler was still counting.

"Shhh, babe, it's going to be okay! It's going to go great, you're an amazing writer! People are going to love it and we're gonna ace it. I'm gonna read most of it any way and you already choose the half you want to read. And if they don't like it for some crazy reason, screw em! Who cares? I think you're the best writer I've ever met" Josh reassured Tyler, leaning in to kiss him firmly on the lips. He kissed Josh back, letting his anxiety melt a little bit as Josh coaxed his mouth open and began to kiss him in earnest. He bit Tyler's lip and right as Tyler began to moan quietly he remembered they were in the parking lot of school and people were starting to park. 

He pulled away and Tyler blushed, looking down as a few of his old basketball teammates walked by. "Maybe we should just go in" Tyler said, a small smile gracing his face. Josh hummed in agreement and took his boyfriends hand as they walked in to school together.

By the time Poetry rolled around, Tyler's anxiety had almost peaked again, however Josh's comforting words helped keep Blurry at bay so it wasn't as bad.   
However, to Tyler's dismay, his boyfriend had betrayed him and volunteered them to go first so they could get it out of the way and Tyler could stop worrying. 

Josh grabbed his hand and had to practically drag him to the front of the room. Right as Josh began to read everything he heard went fuzzy as Tyler's brain went into full Panic Mode™. 

Tyler was snapped back to reality as Josh nudged his arm, signaling that he was almost done reading his part and it was Tyler's turn to read.

"Oh" Tyler whispered as he realized it was time, the moment all this anxiety had lead up to. He began to read very quickly, "I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and I  
Don't know where I should go and the tears and the fears begin to multiply  
Taking time in a simple place; in my bed where my head rests on a pillowcase  
And it's said that a war's lead but I forget that I let another day go by" At this point, Tyler was almost done and he took a quick breath so he could rush out the last six lines without stuttering. 

"I want to be afraid but it seems that these days  
I'm caught under water and I'm falling farther  
My heart's getting harder, I'm calling my father  
Am I screaming to an empty sky?  
Empty sky, no way, that's me cause one half of my heart is free  
Empty sky, no way, that's me, cause the other half of my heart's asleep"

Tyler looked up and saw that his whole class was clapping loudly for him, even his teacher was clapping and smiling proudly. The buzzing in his ears ceased and his anxiety melted away. Josh and he made their way back to their desks and they were greeted with a few high fives from those who sat around him.

Jack, one of the boys sat next him even leaned over and said "Wow Tyler, that was awesome. You sounded like you were rapping!" Tyler shyly thanked him and genuinely smiled. 

"I told you everyone would love it, nothing to worry about after all" Josh whispered in his ear as the next group began to present. Tyler just nodded and silently thanked god nothing had gone wrong.

After class the teacher had pulled Josh and Tyler aside and had told them that theirs was by far the best in the class. Tyler goofily and said thank you. Josh just nodded knowingly and rubbed Tyler's back discretely. 

As they walked out of the room Josh grabbed Tyler's hand and pulled him into a hug. "I'm really proud of you" Josh said quietly as other students rushed past them to their classes.

"Thanks J. You've been so supportive I couldn't have done it with out you" Tyler said, meeting his gaze.

"Anytime babe. I have to get to physics, but you'll be at my soccer game tonight, right?" He asked, head tilting adorably to the side. 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world" Tyler said, leaning in to give Josh a quick peck on the cheek before turning on his heel to head to music theory. 

After school Tyler went home to change into a more comfortable and warmer sweatshirt for Josh's game. Then he met with everyone else at Josh's, even though he was at school with his team, and they all drove back to school together and picked seats at the top of the stands. 

Tyler decided to sit next to Ryan, since they got along pretty well and obviously Brendon was sitting on the other side of Ryan so they all got to talk throughout the game. 

Since Pete was actually playing in the game there was no one there to dress like a cheerleader like Pete had for Tyler's game, but everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs for Josh and Pete. Tyler, sadly, didn't realize how fucking long soccer games were. Not that he minded watching Josh play, it's just that it was fucking freezing and all he was wearing were his skinny jeans and a sweatshirt. He means, really? Two forty minute halves? Was that necessary? 

Never the less, he enjoyed cheering his boy on, Josh even scored a goal in the second half, to which Tyler jumped up and down and yelled "Go Josh!! That's my boy friend!" At the top of his lungs, earning him odd glances from the parents joining them in the stands.

Once the game had ended the boys waited near the concession stand for the players to get off the field, Josh came running up to Tyler and engulfed him in huge a loving embrace. Tyler hugged him back, enjoying the heat Josh was radiating but pulled back after a second. 

"Eww, you're still all sweaty" Tyler joked. "But you played so well I'm so proud of you J" 

"Thanks Ty" Josh smiled wide, and so genuinely, it made Tyler's heart burst with happiness. God, my boyfriend is gorgeous, he thought to himself. Josh hugged Tyler again, this time going into kiss him.

Pete groaned loudly, "Get a room!" He playfully shouted. 

"Maybe we will" Josh pulled away and winked at Tyler and then turned to punch Pete in the shoulder as they made their way out of the stadium to head to dinner.

"You guys! Ryan and I have an announcement!" Brendon said incredibly flamboyantly from across the table at the pizzeria. 

"You guys are getting married!! I mean it is a little soon, you're so young but also so in love I'm so happy for you" Andy said, part of Tyler wanted to believe he was being sarcastic, but honestly he couldn't be so sure. 

"No, you idiot. We're starting a band" Ryan said monotonously, yet a smile still fell onto his face as he said the words. 

"That's right! Obviously not with any of you losers, but with our friends Brett and Spencer and Pete may or may not be helping us" Brendon said, smiling lopsidedly at Pete. 

"You guys are copying us" Pete joked.

"You're god damn right we are, except we're gonna kick your ass. We're gonna go miles above. I bet we'll make Rolling Stone before you" Brendon replied sassily, sticking his tongue out at Pete. Pete had no response but to roll his eyes and shake his head. 

"Anyway," Ryan said, dragging out the y, "that means we're gonna need your support. So we really hope once we start playing shows or release an album, whichever comes first, that you'll be there?" 

"Wouldn't miss it for the world" Josh said, looking over at Tyler and smiling. 

"Nope" Tyler affirmed, the rest of the clique nodding and cheering in agreement. 

After dinner everyone went back to Josh's but instead of going inside everyone decided to go home and get some rest before the party and show the next day. Tyler, of course, would be spending the night though so he followed Josh up to his room and played on his phone until Josh got out of the shower.

Josh climbed into bed, his body still wet from the shower, he was dripping all over Tyler.

"Dude, gross. Why don't you dry off?" Tyler groaned moving away from his wet boyfriend. He looked down to his boxers and laughed. "Are those mine?" 

Josh looked down at his underwear, pink with skeletons on it. "The may or may not be yours, yes" He admitted and Tyler just shook his head and giggled. "What! You left them here the first time we spent the night together"

"Yeah but you made fun of me for them and now you're wearing them like they're all cool!" Tyler quietly yelled, not wanting wake Josh's parents. He playfully shoved Josh back before sitting up and straddling his hips. 

"Well they look better on you anyway" Josh whispered, sitting up about to kiss Tyler's neck.

Tyler inhaled sharply and in a moment of courage said, "I bet they look even better on your floor" 

"Such a bad pick up line" Josh giggled and went kissed Tyler's neck briefly again. "But you're not wrong" Tyler smiled and dipped his head down to catch the other's lips. They kissed passionately for a few minutes and Tyler reached down in an attempt to pull down Josh's (his) boxers. Josh lifted his hips and continued to kiss Tyler and then moved on to keep working on the hickey he had started making earlier. 

Tyler moaned and sat up to pull his sweatshirt off so he wasn't sitting there fully clothed. In that moment he looked down at his boyfriend, and attempted to take in how pretty he looked. The moment was short lived as Josh pulled him back down to continue making out with him.

Tyler slid his hand between them and grabbed Josh's length. Josh moaned loudly at the feeling. Tyler continued to kiss Josh and worked his hand up down. Josh's moans increased as Tyler picked up the speed. 

"J your parents are going to hear us" Tyler pulled away and looked his boyfriend in the eye, feeling his dick twitch at the sight of him coming undone. Josh nodded in response to his comment, too lost in Tyler's touch to say anything. He was able, however, to suppress his moans in favor of kissing Tyler's chest. 

"Ty, I'm gonna cum" Josh whispered, trying to keep it together. Tyler began to twist his hand to help Josh along. Josh kissed Tyler one last time in order to stifle his moan as he spilled into Tyler's hand. He leaned away after he had and waited a second for his breath to catch back up to him. Tyler leaned over and grabbed a tissue to wipe off his hand and Josh's stomach. 

"Do you want me to..." Josh trailed off as he pulled up his boxers. 

Half of Tyler really wanted Josh to get him off, like so bad, but the other half of him remembered all he marks and cuts from the night before and knew he couldn't ruin the night by letting Josh see them all. "No, no, it's fine" Tyler said and forced himself to smile. "As long as you're okay, that's all that matters"

"Of course I'm okay, you're amazing babe, thank you" Josh said and pecked Tyler on the cheek. Tyler just laughed and pulled off his skinny jeans, careful to make sure his boxers didn't ride up. He was still hard, which was kind of unfortunately because he wanted to cuddle up to Josh. 

Josh, bless his soul, choose to ignore that and reassured Tyler, "We can spoon, I'll be the big one. No worries" He turned over and put his arms around Tyler, nestling his chin on his shoulder. 

"Goodnight Josh, I love you" Tyler said, trying not to cry because he was still turned on and that would be a weird mix of emotions and because he was so thankful that he had such an amazing boyfriend. Even if that meant all his problems weren't exactly solved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay there you go some actual couple interaction instead of Tyler's emo ramblings. Sorry if it's kinda trash but I tried. I also didn't proof read the smut bc I will cringe at myself so i hope there's no Majorie errors. 
> 
> Leave a kudos, comment, and please check out my tumblr: uberhaxor-HD


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